


Mechanical Hearts

by supergayheros



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Jaeger Pilots, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, brief mentions of bad/abusive parents, mentions of death and destruction but no major character deaths, mentions of transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28857114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supergayheros/pseuds/supergayheros
Summary: David was twelve years old when the first Kaiju emerged from the sea and decimated three entire cities in the span of five days. He remembers watching on the news, his family shocked into horrified silence, as the Golden Gate bridge fell.A Pacific Rim, Enemies to Friends to Lovers AU in which David always knew he'd become a Jaeger Pilot and Matteo just seems to be there for the ride.
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David Schreibner, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sara Adamczyk/Leonie Richter, if you squint
Comments: 12
Kudos: 31





	Mechanical Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm playing pretty fast and loose with Pacific Rim Canon. I've watched the first movie several times and read the wiki pretty extensively but anything from the comics and second movie are a blank spot for me. But oh well! It's my canon now babey!  
> Also you don't really have to have watched the Pacific Rim movies to understand this fic, I've tried to explain all the worlds concepts so even people who have never heard of the franchise will hopefully be able to follow along. Anyway! I hope you all enjoy! This one was a labor of love sweat and tears.

“You call me as soon as you get there.” Laura says, her voice tight with emotion. She squeezes David even closer, chin hooked over her brother's shoulder and one hand cradling the back of his head. David knows by Laura’s voice that she’s holding back tears. He squeezes her just as fiercely. They stand there on the train platform in the twilight hours, holding each other for the last time for at least two months, and David let’s himself feel profoundly sad about that for a minute. When they finally let go of their embrace he shoves the feeling down. Into a box for later. He can’t dwell on it now, lest the sadness grow into regret.

David can’t afford to have any regrets right now.

“As  _ soon _ as you get there.” Laura repeats, her voice steady again, a command. David nods.

“I promise.” David answers, and Laura gives a sharp nod in return. She’s still angry, but she’s finally done fighting it. David is grateful for that. Grateful for a lot of things.

“Be careful,” Laura says, reaching up to hold David’s face in her cold hands. The pair can hear the trains approach now. A final farewell. “I love you.”

“I will. I love you too.” David grabs his suitcase, a compact thing holding only the essentials. He leans in and gives his sister a kiss on the cheek as the train pulls to a stop at the platform. They don’t say the words, don’t say ‘goodbye’ out loud. It’s too hard for either of them, too sharp and heavy, gets stuck in their throats. Instead David pulls his face into a sad smile, and steps towards the train, towards his future. And his sister lets him go, tears only spilling when the doors pull shut.

David was twelve years old when the first Kaiju emerged from the sea and decimated three entire cities in the span of five days. He remembers watching on the news, his family shocked into horrified silence, as the Golden Gate bridge fell. It didn’t feel real. How could it? An actual monster, appearing as if from nowhere, thousands of miles away. David’s child mind just couldn't compute. Couldn’t take what he was seeing and process it in the context of the real world. Like his brain was trying to protect itself from what it was actually seeing. It wasn’t real, couldn’t be. 

But then David’s mother started to sob- a choked, awful sound - and his father quickly ushered David and Laura from the room. That night Laura held him, the two curled up on her bed, shaking and quiet. He shut his eyes, saw the bridge fall again behind the dark of his eyelids. And it wasn't just a nightmare, it was real. 

It continued to be real, with every passing year, with every new Kaiju attack. This was what life was now. The ever present edge of fear, the lives lost, the unanswerable question of  _ why _ . Then the Jaeger program was started, heros in colossal metal robots keeping everyone safe, and David knew. He  _ knew  _ he was meant to be one of them.

David told Laura as much. Fourteen years old and certain of his future. Laura was unconvinced. She was protective. He loved her for that, but it didn't change his mind in the end. David was going to be a Jaeger pilot, no matter what.

He told her another truth that night, this one whispered but just as sure. Just as certain. David told her his name, his real name, and they held each other, shaking and quiet again. She said that she loved him, over and over, that she loved her little brother. And David knew she would protect him on this front as well. 

She did protect him, when he finally decided to come out to his parents. It didn't go as planned. That day David learned that monsters didn't just come from the Pacific Ocean, and heroes don't always wear metal armor. 

Now, eight years after the first attack, David is ready to start protecting Laura in return. To start protecting the world. And the first step to that plan starts today, at Germany's very own Jaeger Academy, David's new home for at least the next two months, and even longer if David can manage to make it past the first cut.  _ When _ he makes it past the first cut.

The train ride is a long one, and despite his excitement and nerves David finds himself nodding off fairly quickly. He dreams in flashes- hulking Jaeger's and his sister's sharp disapproving frown and the Golden Gate bridge falling- over and over again on a loop. He's jolted awake when the train pulls to a stop, his head smacking into the window with the movement. The destination is announced over a PA system and David notes that he awoke just in time. He shakes the nightmare away, wiping fear sweat from his brow, and stands. 

The air is cold outside, it freezes the rest of the dampness on David's skin. He shivers, pulling his coat tighter around himself. Other passengers move around David as he gathers himself and his belongings. Patting his pocket for the millionth time that day, checking again for that folded square of paper. It's still there, just like the last time he checked, his acceptance letter. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, and starts off for the road. 

A bus is waiting there. David climbs up into it, flashing his ticket to the driver, before finding an empty seat near the back. The bus is only half full by the time it starts up and pulls away, and he knows that most of them aren't ultimately going to the same place he is. Maybe none of them are. But he sits and takes in each and every one of them. People watching for the absence of anything better to do. 

David's right of course. Most of the passengers get off at various stops before his own. The houses and businesses begin to thin out the farther they drive, and David knows they're getting close. He can feel it, his skin prickling with anticipation. His eyes stay glued to the window, watching the space between him and his future being eaten up under the tires. 

Soon David is one of three people still on the bus, including the driver, and a girl who looks to be around his age who got on the bus only a few stops back. She might be another recruit. The suitcase held between her legs paired with the small grin on her face and the fact that they're only one stop away now suggests as much. David doesn't focus too hard on that fact though, can't, brain already occupied with the idea of finally stepping into a Jaeger with some faceless co-pilot. 

The bus rounds a corner, and then all of a sudden, it's there. The building is massive, even at a distance. All gray brick and metal and glass. David has to forcibly keep himself in his seat before the bus comes to a halt, gripping the headrest in front of him until his knuckles turn white. As soon as the wheels stop turning David is up, baggage in hand. Before the doors are even pulled open he's making his way to the front. He pauses when the girl stands. And that's it, she must be a new recruit just like him. 

The two climb off the bus, throwing thank you's to the driver, and stop on the pavement. Together they look up, taking it all in, before turning to grin at each other. David feels an immediate kinship with this woman, someone who clearly has a passion as deep as his own. Someone who wants to protect humanity in much the same way.

"I'm David," He says, showing off his pink gums, eyes crinkling at the sides. Too excited to put on his cool and mysterious demeanor.

"Leonie," She answers, holding out a hand to shake. He obliges, slipping his hand into hers. Leonie is short, with long pin straight brown hair, and a predominant nose that reminds David vaguely of his sister. Her eyes are sharp and focused, smile knowing. She's pretty in an intimidating way. David can already tell she's going to be a fierce contender.

They both turn and stare up at the building again. It's fairly nondescript, no signage to indicate what the building is used for. Still, the place looks important, official. Like a fortress and a college campus all in one. Leonie takes a few steps forward, suitcase rolling behind her. David is itching to get in there too, but he has a promise to fulfill before he can do that. The girl stops and throws a curious look over her shoulder when David doesn't make a move to follow.

"I've gotta uh, make a phone call. But I'll see you in there I guess." David explains. Leonie nods in understanding and continues on. Others are here now too, spilling out of cars and making their way straight in. David takes a few steps away for some semblance of privacy and pulls out his cellphone.

"How are you? Ok? Did you make it there alright?" Comes the barrage of questions as soon as the line connects. Laura sounds tinny and small over the receiver, but David can still make out her clear concern.

"I'm fine, I got here fine." David says, cutting off any further interrogation. Laura sighs, can hear the panic leak out of her like a deflating balloon. David would bet she hasn't taken her eyes off the phone since he left. "I've got to go now ok? But I'm here and I'm safe and I love you."

"Ok. I love you too." His big sister says. She just sounds tired now, tired and resigned.

"Get some rest Laura." David says with a small smile. His sister hums an agreement and the pair says one last 'I love you' before hanging up.

David stuffs his phone back into his jacket pocket and takes a calming breath in and out. In and out. 

Directly inside the front doors of the building is a sort of foyer. David is immediately struck by how sterile it is. White walls and white marble floors and a large white desk being manned by an older woman in a crisp pantsuit. The woman is speaking with what looks like another recruit, typing on a computer keyboard with long nails painted a blood red as they converse. The recruit seems older than David by a handful of years, and broad in a way he used to envy.

David hangs back, allowing them to finish up their business with some semblance of privacy. He then notices with a start that that small act of respect seems in vain. There's already another person at the desk, seemingly waiting his turn with much less patience. Except he doesn't  _ look _ impatient, he looks...bored. 

The boy has himself draped over the edge of the desk, like holding himself up would take too much effort. Sluggishly, his pale finger pokes out, nudging the first metal ball in a small newton's cradle that sits just to his left. He watches, with tired blue eyes through a curtain of unruly blond hair, as the ball connects with the second, and then the third and forth, and back again. 

David can feel his eyebrows raising in dull confusion. He flicks his gaze to the woman, but she seems completely unfazed. The other recruit finally steps away, slipping through a door that the woman points out to him. David pauses a moment, waiting for the splayed out boy to pick himself up and check himself in with the desk worker. The boy doesn't move other than to tap the ball again, eyes tracking the swaying of the toy. 

Slightly annoyed, David huffs under his breath and steps forward. If this boy isn't going to get himself signed in and move on then David will. 

"Name?" The woman prompts, eyes not leaving the computer screen in front of her.

"David Schreiber." David answer's, trying hard to ignore the boy less than a foot away. He focuses on the steady soft clacking of the women's typing. Studies the neat precision of her silvery gray bun on the top of her head. 

"Do you have your acceptance letter and a form of picture identification?" She intones and David makes a noise in the back of his throat. 

He rifles through his jacket's huge pockets, grabbing the little square of paper and his wallet. Unfolding the letter, he places it down on the desk and then retrieves his ID from the wallet. It's a fairly new print, his real name in thick black letters. The first piece of ID David's ever had that doesn't make him feel sick to his stomach. When he puts that down too, his eyes shoot to the side on instinct. David freezes when he's met with a deep blue stare. 

The strange boy is no longer laying with his head down. Instead he's turned, hip leaning into the front of the desk, head propped up on his delicate looking hand. Everything about him looks delicate, thin wrists and pointed collarbones peeking out of his sweater and a round baby face. Everything delicate, except for his eyes. The boy stands there, staring at David in this unnerving, unblinking kind of way. It cuts through him, making him feel see-through. David jolts back in shock, unable to completely hide the reaction. 

Quickly David looks away, skin tingling and stomach in knots. It's ridiculous. The stranger looks the opposite of intimidating. Seems to be around the same height and age and with a leaner build than David. Nothing he couldn't handle himself against. But still. David finds himself feeling unbalanced in his presence. 

Apparently while David was busy having a mini breakdown over a pair of eyes, the woman had finished up getting David all signed in. She pushes the ID card back at him with one perfectly manicured nail. David snatches it up and quickly stuffs it back into his wallet, wanting to move on from this encounter as quickly as possible. He's handed a few more pieces of paper, a schedule and some extra information on room-and-board by the looks of it.

"Go just through that door there. There will be a short assembly and then you'll be shown to your room." The woman says, pointing to the door the previous recruit exited through.

David nods in understanding and grabs his suitcase by the straps. He makes his way quickly to the door, but pauses with his hand on the nob when a loud sound comes from behind him. David turns his head to look over his shoulder.

"Matteo, honestly. Please be careful." The woman chastises, picking up the newton's cradle that had somehow been knocked over on it's side. But the boy, Matteo, isn't paying her any mind. He continues to stare, smile tugging at his small pink mouth, at David. 

David wrenches the door open and hurriedly steps through. 

On the other side is a large room, with rows and rows of seats and a small stage to the front. There seems to be a little over fifty people sat down, all ranging from early to late twenties by the look of it. The small number of students enrolled isn't surprising. Much fewer people have seemed interested in the idea of becoming a Jaeger pilot since the first couple of pilot deaths. Since winning against the Kaiju, even in a hulking metal robot, has become less of a rule and more of a gamble.

David sweeps the room with his eyes, takes in every one of his fellow Academy students. He knows the statistics. Knows that by the end of these two months over half of them will be gone, either dropping out from the strain or discharged for not making the cut. David is determined to not be a part of that half. 

Near the front of the room David notices a familiar head of sleek brown hair. Leonie sits, chatting with a blonde girl on her left, empty seat on her right. 

"Hello again." David greets with a small smile when he approaches their row. 

"Oh David, there you are. Come, sit." Leonie says, like she's been waiting for him. It's nice. David smiles wider and takes a seat. Leonie points to the blonde next to her. "This is my friend Sara."

"Hi, nice to meet you." Sara cuts in, leaning forward slightly to grin at David. 

"David, nice to meet you too."

Leonie opens her mouth to say something more, but snaps it shut when a tall man in a brown suit appears by the podium situated in the center of the small stage. He seemed to materialize from nowhere, so quiet in his approach, but must have come from a door in the wings of the stage. A hush falls over the room as one by one the recruits notice his presence. 

“Good evening everyone, I am PPDC Marshal Toro. I am the current head of this facility, as you might already know.” The Marshal begins, voice clear and authoritative. 

And just then, the main door swings open with a loud smack against the wall. All fifty or so heads whip around at the sound. It’s Matteo. Two times in just about as many minutes, this boy is stealing David’s attention with another loud scene. This time at least he has the decency to look sheepish, pink blush crawling up his neck in splotchy bursts. 

“Oops.” Matteo mutters, being careful this time with the door, using both hands to quietly click it shut. He slinks over to an empty seat in the back row, falling into it gracelessly. David watches, frowning, as the other boy slumps low in his chair.

“Jesus Christ,” Leonie whispers under her breath. David is inclined to agree. 

Marshal Toro clears his throat pointedly, and everyone turns back around to give him their undivided attention. Well, almost everyone.

David tries, but he can’t seem to stop himself from peeking behind every couple of minutes to steal glances at Matteo. It’s just that the other boy seems so disinterested, bored like he was at the reception desk. Sprawled out, picking at his nails, and then blue eyes honest to god closing like he’s ready to take a nap. It’s infuriating. David doesn’t retain much of what the Marshal says, mostly just gathers that it’s a speech about how important and strenuous the work that is done here is. It makes David even more annoyed that he’s missing out on even a second of this monumental event all because he can’t ignore this incredibly rude and painfully odd boy. 

He doesn't have to stew in his annoyance for long. Soon the group is being led down a number of hallways and up a flight of stairs to reach the housing wing. David has the strap of his suitcase clutched in one hand and the papers from reception in the other. He's trying to read as he walks, as all the other recruits bump around him finding their own rooms. Finally David stumbles upon the right room, marked by a number plate screwed into the door. 

Inside is small but not too cramped. With a bunk bed pushed to one wall, and a pair of desks and dressers against another. There's a small door near the head of the bunk beds that David assumes leads to a closet. What's odd though is someone's belongings are already there, with no sign of their owner in sight. A dark blue duffle bag sits on the top bunk and a laptop case is on one of the desks. David steps farther inside and sets his own suitcase down in front of the bed, stuffing the papers into his jacket pocket. Might as well get his things unpacked while he has the time. 

"Oh," comes a voice at the door a moment later. "Hi roomie."

It's Matteo, because  _ of course it is _ , leaning against the door jam with his arms crossed. David has to physically stop himself from groaning out loud. He straightens up to his full height and crosses his arms back at the boy. 

So David judges people pretty quickly, so what. It's a skill he needed growing up. A way of self preservation. It's not like Matteo has done anything yet to sway that judgment into a more forgiving light. And David doesn't want to be dragged down by any kind of distraction while he's here. Even if that distraction has pretty blue eyes and a cute button nose.

"Hi," David says back, voice blank.

They stand like that for a moment, just looking at each other. It makes David feel squirmy in his own skin. He wants to turn around and start unpacking, just to break the eye contact. But for some reason that feels too much like losing, and David doesn't like to lose. 

"So…" Matteo begins after a beat. "I'm Matteo. Florenzi."

"David Schreiber." He says curtly. 

"Yeah, I know." Matteo answers and David bristles. Of course he knows, he was practically in David's lap when he told the woman at reception. God. But he doesn't have to be so weird about it. David keeps his mouth shut.

"Right. Well. See ya later than." Matteo mutters before tapping the door jam with his knuckles twice and turning to go. The door clicks shut behind him. 

David deflates immediately. He rubs over his face with his hands, pressing into his eyelids with his palms. Sighing, he gets to work unpacking.

That night everyone gathers in the mess hall for dinner. The food isn’t anything to write home about, but the company is good. David sits at a long rectangular table with Leonie and Sara and a number of other recruits who are nice enough. They chat about the start of officer training tomorrow. Sara is practically buzzing in her seat, talking animatedly about being able to finally learn more in depth about Kaiju science. Leonie smiles fondly at her.

David is shoveling some slightly overcooked pasta into his mouth when he looks up and notices Matteo in line for food. He pauses chewing to watch Matteo grab his tray, and without even looking up, exits the mess hall through the set of double doors. David's not so sure that’s allowed, taking your meal to eat elsewhere, but no one stops Matteo from doing it. He swallows and frowns at the doors as they swing shut. When he diverts his attention back to the table Leonie is watching him, smiling slyly. David tries not to look surprised at being found staring. 

“What the fuck is his deal?” David mutters into another bite of spaghetti, not really expecting an answer. But Leonie laughs out loud and Sara pulls a pitying face. 

“Yeah well, that’s just Matteo.” Leonie says, flipping her hair behind her shoulder with a neatly manicured hand. David gives her a look until she laughs again and continues. “He practically grew up in the Academy, and he’s also kind of an asshole, so Matteo just...does what he wants. To an extent”

“Wait what? What do you mean he grew up here?” David puts his fork down, eyebrows furrowed. 

“His dad was on the ground floor of this place when it first got founded. Helped get it all started. Matteo was around a lot.” Leonie explains. And suddenly a few of the boys' strange actions click into place for David. His blasé nature could read as familiarity with this new information. Not quite as abhorrent as David had previously thought, but still annoying. 

“His dad.” David says. “Is that not like, nepotism or something? Him being here?”

“It might have been, If his dad still worked here.” Leonie answers with a small shrug. David just frowns deeper. She grins then, all teeth, and leans in close. David strains to hear her over the din of the other tables when her voice drops conspiratorially. “He left a couple of years ago. Got a divorce and moved to Italy or something.”

“Leonie! Stop!” Sara gasps angrily. Leonie just rolls her eyes, clearly feeling anything but chastised.

“And how do  _ you _ know all of this?” David asks. He feels a little bad for knowing these things now, without Matteo’s permission. But It’s not like he can un-know them. And David never specifically asked her to tell him those things about Matteo's parents divorce. He tries to shake off the guilt with moderate success. 

“Oh you know, people talk, I listen.” She says, voice turning airy and aloof. Sara rolls her eyes right back, scoffing.

“We went to high school together, the three of us, not too far from here.” Sara corrects. “And he’s not an asshole.”

The two girls start bickering then, but David tunes the chatter out. He turns to look at the now closed double doors for a moment. As if expecting them to swing open again. David just continues to frown, and huffs, and gets back to his meal- pushing thoughts of Matteo to the very back of his mind. He has bigger things to worry about after all.

* * *

The German National Jaeger Academy curriculum is split into three, two month long sections. Officer training, Pons training, and finally Jaeger training. Though the last of which was to be performed at a Shatterdome in a foreign country of the higher ups choosing, depending on need, and not at the Academy grounds themselves. 

Rumor has it that each section is harder than the last. Which is saying something when over fifty percent of those enrolled don't ever make it to Pons training. The entire process is made as physically and mentally taxing as possible to ensure only the best of the very best ever find themselves fighting against the Kaiju. And while all those who make it through to the second trimester are still eligible for a PPDC officer level position no matter what, that's not the future David is working towards. 

David Schreiber has to become a Jaeger pilot. And all he has to do is be better than the majority of the recruits to do it. 

Going into this David had been fairly confident in his abilities at passing Officer training despite the odds. A mixture of Kaiju science, Jaeger engineering, combat training, and tactics. Nothing he can't handle. David is intelligent and in good shape and is most of all passionate. So yeah, he was confident, maybe even a little cocky.

That outlook doesn't stay for long. 

Two weeks in and David is already feeling the strain. Everyday he's up early for grueling classes, and gets to bed late every night from hours of uninterrupted studying. His whole body aches from combat training and his brain is so stuffed full with facts about the anatomy of a Kaiju that it feels like it's ready to burst. 

But the most annoying thing, more frustrating than trying to memorize every single working piece of a Jaeger, is the fact that Matteo Florenzi seems completely unfazed by all of it. 

Maybe unfazed isn't the right word. That could imply some amount of effort on his part. Apathetic. Matteo seems completely apathetic when it comes to absolutely everything. He doesn't spend hours studying like the rest of the recruits. David isn't sure he's ever seen the boy crack open his textbooks even once. 

David tries not to let it anger him, because the lack of trying will surely be the reason Matteo is kicked from the program in the end. But it does. It makes his blood boil every night that Matteo crawls into bed without pouring over his course work. Makes David see red when the boy has the gall to pillow his head in his arms and let his eyes slide shut during an engineering lecture. He wants to stand up, and point, and shout till his throat is sore. 'Are you seeing this?' he wants to scream, 'Is everyone fucking seeing this?'. David wants to yell at Matteo himself, to tell him to at least act like he cares. 

But he doesn't. He doesn't say anything. And neither does Matteo. They don't really talk at all to be frank. Only a hand full of words have been exchanged between the two of them. Which might be strange for most roommates, but works just fine for the pair so far. David doesn’t need the added distraction, and Matteo can either feel David’s icey disposition, or just doesn't care enough to try and get to know him. 

David doesn’t know why thinking too hard about the latter option twists him up so much inside. Just another thing he’s decided to push to the back of his mind. He’s good at that.

David spends most of his time that he’s not hunched over his course work with Leonie and Sara. The group eats their meals together, often discussing said course work around bites of food.

He's not sure if he'd call the three of them friends outside of all of this, outside of the academy. David doesn't really share any important personal information with them. Both girls are much more open with David than he has ever been with either of them. Which is kind of the problem with most of his relationships outside of his sister. But they're nice and smart and just as determined as him to become Jaeger pilots. So Sara and Leonie are the closest he's going to get to friendship at this point. The closest David's maybe ever gotten to friendship since the start of his transition. 

Currently, the three of them are in the facilities extremely well equipped gym. He and Sara are using two of the many treadmills, working on endurance. Leonie is a little ways to their left, doing alternating reps of crunches and leg lifts. A few other students are there as well, using various other pieces of workout equipment. But it’s Sunday just after dinner, so it’s not packed. 

“Oh calm down Sara seriously,” Leonie pants out between reps. Sara turns her head to scowl at her friend, perky ponytail whipping out behind her. “Don’t give me that face. You’re going to do great and you know it. Stop psyching yourself out.” 

"You don't know that!" Sara shouts back, punching the speed up on her machine once. Her facial expression morphs from annoyed at Leonie to vaguely panicked in general. Her voice pitches up an octave. "I don't know that either!"

Sara is freaking out about the test scheduled for tomorrow. It's their first big written test, a cumulative thing to see how everyone is ranking so far in every subject except for the physical ones. Number one of three assessments set for this trimester. It's not the end all be all, still too early on in the program for that. But the test is still incredibly important regarding your ranking within the recruits, knowing your likelihood of moving on to Pons training as it stands right now. So Sara's panic would be warranted, if it wasn't so obvious to anyone who knew her that she's going to do just fine tomorrow. 

"Sara, you've paid attention during every lecture, your notes are some of the most comprehensive I've seen, you've studied- you're going to do great." David says it as confidently as he can while keeping pace with the machine. 

Sara's face goes all soft, cheeks turning a pretty pink that's not from exertion. 

"Thank you David," She says genuinely, a small smile tugging at her lips. Leonie huffs from her position on the floor.

"What, so he's allowed to say it and I'm not?" Leonie mutters to herself, throwing her hands up in the air. David laughs, a warm feeling of fondness rolling over him. 

And all of a sudden David realizes that he believes wholeheartedly what he said. Sara will do fine, and so will Leonie. He's sure of it. They're both smart in a way that would annoy him if he didn't already like them so much. And while David's less sure of himself than he was when he first came here, he can only hope that his hard work will pay off. It's more than can be said about  _ some _ people.

After their workout David showers the cooling sweat off. They're communal showers, but blessedly broken up by stalls with thick doors and strong latches. David's the only one in the bathroom at the time, but he still checks the lock on the door to his stall twice before getting undressed. He works quickly, scrubbing himself down in a clinical manner, never one to bask in the warm spray. He dries himself off and dresses before finally undoing the latch, t-shirt and sweatpants clinging to his slightly damp skin. 

By the time David gets back to his room the sun has fully disappeared from the sky, a smattering of stars poking through the darkness. He settles in at his desk with his textbooks, one last study session before the test in the morning. Matteo isn't in, both his bed and desk empty. David wonders for a second where he could be before stamping down that thought and cracking open the first book. 

David is deeply engrossed in the text when the door bangs open about thirty minutes later. His narrowed brown eyes dart up, highlighter gripped tightly in his hand, fighting off a glare that threatens to emerge. 

“Shit, sorry dude.” Matteo says with a yawn. David just nods stiffly, averting his gaze back to his books. He hears more than see’s the other boy get ready for bed. The overhead light gets turned off, David’s desk lamp the only illumination left. The quiet shuffling of clothes, and then the squeaking of bed springs. David sits there, eyes fixed at the words swimming on the page, absorbing none of them. 

“You know we have a test tomorrow right?” David says, judgment seeping into his voice on accident. 

“Huh? Oh yeah I know.” Matteo answers back blandly. David squeezes his eyes closed. He  _ knows _ it doesn't matter, that he should just keep his mouth shut. And normally he would. But...

“And you’re not going to study?” David whirls around in his desk chair. He stares up at Matteo, who lays on the top bunk, half propped up on his elbows. Matteo squints down at David, eyebrows furrowing.

“Uh...no.” 

David breathes. He clenches his teeth.  _ It’s not worth it, it’s not worth it, it’s not worth it. _ It’s a montra in his head, keeping him in place, keeping him quiet. They sit there, watching each other.  _ He’s not worth it, he’s not worth it, he’s not worth it.  _ But David remembers Sara’s earlier panic despite all her hard work. Remembers his own sleepless nights trying to cram a million facts into his brain at once. Remembers what all the people here are fighting for.

And who the fuck does this kid think he is? How can he not realize how important this work is? The annoyance is bubbling up, the anger. Crawling up David’s throat and choking him with it. And then-

“What are you even doing here?” David spits, voice laced with venom. 

“Excuse me?” Matteo says, sitting up straighter. He looks taken aback by David’s tone, and the confusion only serves to rile David up even more. 

“I have never seen you study. Why are you here? Do you even care?” The words spill out of him, unable to close the gates now that they’ve been opened.

“Man, you don’t know me.” Matteo shoots back, voice clipped, face going stormy in the low light. David laughs, sounding cruel even to his own ears. 

“Oh I think I do. I think I know that you don’t give a fuck, that you clearly don’t want to be here. So why don't you just leave?" His words are coming quick now, rushed in his anger. 

"Fuck. You." Matteo breathes. Pure ice in his glare. Matteo hops down from his bunk, and David is afraid for half a second that he's about to be punched. But instead Matteo just shoves his feet into his sneakers, and flees, door banging shut behind him. 

David sits there for a moment, stunned. His anger being washed away by the shock, replaced quickly by guilt. He swallows, mouth tasting like bile, and turns back to his desk. Fuck. He really fucked that up.

That wasn't like David at all, he thinks. He keeps to himself, doesn't pick any unnecessary fights because he has enough to deal with. So why did he care so much? Why did he allow Matteo's lack of drive to get to him? David bites the inside of his cheek, trying not to feel too worried for the other boy, about where he's run off to, and gets back to work. 

Matteo doesn't return before David goes to sleep that night. And he's not there when David wakes up in the morning.

David really wishes he didn't care.

They eat breakfast in the mess hall before the test. It's less than pleasant. Sara is even more jittery than last night. Leonie tries to distract her by waving french toast sticks under her nose till Sara relents and nibbles on the proffered treat. David scans the tables for a mop of dirty blonde hair. Nothing. Matteo isn't here either. David pushes his runny scrambled eggs around his plate, feeling vaguely ill all of a sudden. 

The test takes place directly after breakfast in the large lecture hall that usually holds the Kaiju science lectures. All fifty seven recruits shuffle in, grab a test booklet from the professors podium, and make their way to a seat. When David turns, test in hand, he notices that Matteo is already there. He's sat at the way back of the room looking as bored as always, pen tapping against his jean covered thigh. 

A breath punches out of David, the relief instant. David shakes his head at his own reaction, because what did he think? That Matteo ran off and left the Academy just because David said some mean things to him? Just because he told him to? As if he has that much power over Matteo, of all people. David is jostled by someone behind him trying to reach for their own test, and he quickly moves to take the first available seat.

The test is challenging, but everything he studied for is on it. David finishes in just over an hour, and then reads through every question and answer again, just to make sure. He feels ok about it all, releasing a silent sigh, shoulders lighter now that he has one less thing to actively worry about. When David's done, he drops the test on the small stack on the teacher's desk. He looks back up to the back of the room before leaving, noticing Matteo is already gone. 

There aren't any more classes scheduled today till after lunch, giving every student ample time to finish. So David retreats to the gym. He tells himself he's not avoiding his room, and by extension, the chance of running into Matteo.

He even half believes it.

The results for the test are posted the next day. A list, one to fifty seven, hangs just to the right of the doors to the mess hall, first thing in the morning. When David wakes up to his alarm, quickly grabs his clothes and rushes to the washroom. He doesn’t spare Matteo a glance from where the boy is still laying completely immobile under his covers. They hadn’t talked at all last night when David finally returned to their room, the silence tense and frigid. And that was fine 

It was _ fine _ .

Quickly David changes out in a stall and shoves his old sleep clothes into his cramped locker to retrieve later. He power walks down to the cafeteria, feeling nauseous and warm all over. David’s grateful to get the results out of the way before breakfast. That way no matter what his ranking he can finally stop panicking and hopefully manage to force down some small amount of food. He hadn’t had that much luck on that front during yesterday's lunch or dinner, everything tasting like sawdust and his stomach wanting to push back up every bite he swallowed. 

A number of recruits are already there when David makes it to the hall, a small line forming. He steps up to the back of the queue, watches as one by one his fellow students find their names on the list. A few look relieved, others disgruntled or crestfallen. David chews on the inside of his cheek till he tastes the copper tang of blood. 

Soon, it’s his turn. David stands in front of the paper pinned to the wall. He scans it, from number fifty seven up. His eyes near the top when he sees it,  _ David Schreiber _ , right next to number five.

A sigh escapes him. It’s not perfect, but it’s good. Good enough to keep him in the running to become a pilot for sure. Hastily, in order to get out of the way and give the others a chance at finding their own names, David let’s his eyes search the list one more time. He finds them both in under a second. Leonie Richter at six, and Sara Adamczyk at three. A grin spreads across his face involuntarily. He knew they could do it. David immediately feels happier than in all of the two weeks that he’s been at the Academy, a wave of relief and pride washing over him. He lets out a quiet chuckle, and makes to finally move out of the way of the list. 

But then the laugh catches in David’s throat, and his feet freeze for a moment. He blinks, eyes running over the letters over and over. Comprehension comes slow and liquid, the information not quite sticking right away. Because there, right next to the number one, the highest ranking recruit out of them all, is the name Matteo Florenzi.

Half dazed David stumbles back, allowing another recruit to step around him and get to the list.  _ Cheater _ ,  _ he cheated.  _ Is the first poison soaked thought that comes to his mind. But no, he shakes the idea off as quick as it entered. Because if Matteo so clearly doesn't care about being here, why would he ever bother cheating to stay. But then how. How could he do it, if he never seems to try. It doesn't add up, nothing about this enigma of a boy adds up. 

David turns, still trying to process, towards the doors leading to the cafe. His head swings to the side and then jerks to a pause. He watches, as if in slow motion, as Matteo approaches. David can't keep his mouth from dropping open slightly as the boy walks, his shoulders slightly hunched, completely bypassing the list. Matteo enters the mess hall without looking back, the doors closing behind him with a soft click.

He didn't look. Matteo somehow, beyond all measure of logic and reason, managed to rank number one out of fifty seven hard working recruits. And he didn't even look at the list to check. Like it was beneath him.

And in that moment David is sure, he  _ hates _ Matteo Florenzi. 

* * *

Things don’t really improve from there.

Over the next week David tries to spend as little time in his shared room as possible. Opting to instead study in the common room, a permanently cold space that’s just as white and gray and barren as most of the hallways at the Academy. Save for a pair of uncomfortable couches, a vending machine that’s constantly out of order, and a coffee pot. So at least he usually has the room to himself. 

He calls Laura from there most nights. Curled up on the lumpy sofa, phone pressed tight to his ear. David closes his eyes, pretending that his big sister is right next to him and not so far away.

“Yeah I’m great, everything’s great,” David lies smoothly, then tacks on. “Just was uh, studying is all. Lot’s of studying.” 

“Well you better be getting enough sleep in between all that studying young man.” Laura says, voice half joking but message serious. David gives a weak laugh.

“Yeah yeah yeah,” He mutters. David’s heart constricts in his chest. The feeling reminds him of all the years he spent binding, it leaves him near breathless. He just misses her so much is the thing, so much that he’s choking on it. 

But this was the right decision, coming here. David has to tell himself that when the feelings get too much. It will all be worth it in the end. It has to be.

“So how are you then?” David asks, clearing his throat to try and dispel some of the tightness. He listens as Laura launches into a long recount of her day, starting with breakfast, which makes David groan because of how much he misses her cooking, and ending with the ever cheesy ‘and now I’m talking to you’. It’s great, just being able to hear her voice. In many ways the sound of it brings more resolve to David, that staying here and toughing it out is what has to be done. Because working towards being able to finally protect Laura was the  _ only _ real option for him. 

They talk for a long time. The tightness in his chest loosens with every word spoken, and the smile in his voice becomes less forced with every stupid joke Laura tells. But soon David is stifling a yawn, and his sister is telling him to go to bed. When they finally hang up he sits there for a while, eyes closed and head tilted back against the couch cushions. David sighs, imagining the stress that’s built up in his body over the past few weeks oozing out in that one long breath. David eventually has to haul himself back to his room, limbs and heart feeling lighter, almost back to normal after just one nice conversation with Laura. 

The feeling immediately washes away as soon as he makes it back to his room. Matteo is there, laid up in bed and typing away on his phone. Blue eyes flash up when Matteo hears David enter, cutting through him much like that first day. David squares his shoulders and closes the door, feeling vaguely like he’s trapping them both. 

Thankfully they’ve reverted back to silence instead of out right fighting, but the air is tense and angry. And just because David knows the shift is mostly his fault, doesn’t mean he has to like it. The quiet feels oppressive with that cold stare fixed on him, so David quickly flicks the light off and crawls into bed. He shifts around, trying to get comfortable, and squeezes his own eye’s shut. 

A moment later there's shuffling from the top bunk, and then the sound of feet hitting the floor. More rustling, but David keeps his eyes closed, trying to at least appear asleep. After a minute the door opens and shuts again with a soft snick.

David breathes, forces himself not to care about where Matteo has gone, and sleeps. 

The first day of David’s second month at the Jaeger Academy brings the stakes even higher in combat training. The first few weeks had mostly been focused on solo training with dummies, and some one on one, learning basic defense and hand to hand fighting techniques. But it's pretty clear as soon as David walks into the room on the beginning of that fourth week, that the training gloves have finally come off. 

Spread out all across the floor are large square mats, each with a pair of long wooden sticks- jo staffs by the looks of it - laid on top of them. It seems that they'll finally be fighting each other with real weapons instead of learning grappling and breaking holds and defensive maneuvers. It's sort of exciting. David can feel a grin pulling at his lips as other recruits mutter amongst themselves. 

"Alright, gather round everyone." Marshal Toro calls from the other end of the room. The Marshal is wearing his ever present brown suit and holds in his thick hands a clipboard. All the recruits are quick to obey, forming a loose circle around their instructor. A number of them look as eager as David feels.

Toro explains the day's planned class in a no nonsense manner. One on one fights using jo staffs, best out of five, and to still be careful despite the nature of the exercise. The staffs are real and dangerous and the deliberate attempt to seriously injure your sparring partner is frowned upon, he stresses.

"After all this is only practice for the real thing. We don't want any of you out of commission before we really get to work." The Marshal says. 

A few of the recruits don't seem to be listening to his warning very carefully, already sizing up their possible opponents with a worrying glint in their eyes. The instructor goes on to announce that their partners have already been picked out ahead of time and begins reading off the pairs from a list on his clipboard. David waits and listens for his own name to be called while other groups peel off and take up their spots on the mats. His palms itch in anticipation.

"David Schreiber and…" Marshal Toro says, and David's ears prick up even more, rocking on the balls of his feet. "Matteo Florenzi."

David has to stifle a colorful swear. Of course, of fucking course. David should have seen this coming really, with his luck. The back of his neck begins to prickle, and he knows Matteo's eyes are on him.

Fine, David thinks, fine. They're probably just pairing up roommates for this then. But no, because the next set called is Sara and Leonie, and they're not bunked together. So it really is just his incredibly shit luck to blame. David sighs through his nose and turns around. Sure enough there is Matteo, already standing near an empty mat with a staff in hand. The blue eyed boy quirks an eyebrow. A silent challenge. 

And ok, sure. Challenge accepted. David isn't usually one for direct conflict, which might be strange for someone angling to become a Jaeger pilot. But maybe he can finally wipe that condescendingly bored look off Matteo's face once and for all, knock him down a few pegs. Show Matteo that he's not too good for this place or the other people in it. 

With a renewed fire in his gut David approaches the mat. He bends and grabs the other thin wooden stick, giving it an experimental twirl in his hands. It's not a weapon he has too much experience with, but seems straightforward enough. David takes up his spot on the far right side of the mat, staff held aloft. The rest of the recruits do the same, waiting on Toro's command to start.

Well, the rest except for Matteo. David's adversary stands, half slumped over his weapon, leaning his weight on it like a walking stick. He's seemingly completely unbothered by the task at hand. Anger bubbles up in David's stomach, hot and liquid.

There's a sharp tweet of a whistle, the signal to begin. David's muscles tense. He pauses for another second, waits for Matteo to get into position. But the boy doesn't shift at all, just continues to slump. David can feel his face pinch up in annoyance. Giving a sharp huff he takes four large strides towards Matteo, but still, his opponent doesn't move.

Completely fed up, David pulls back his arm and swings hard. The sound of it's descent whips through the air with a hiss. At the last second David stops his staff an inch from Matteo's face. Infuriatingly, Matteo doesn't even flinch. His gaze moves slowly from David, to the wooden pole that almost smashed his skull in. 

"One to zero." Matteo drawls. 

"Are you even going to try?" David bites out, practically seething. "Or do you not give a fuck about this either?"

Matteo's eyes slide back to David and then narrow. They flash with emotion, like during their first verbal fight, stare going cold. Good. At least he's gotten some kind of reaction. David retreats back to his side, at the ready again. He watches as Matteo shifts, standing straighter, clutching his own staff in one hand without raising it up. 

David waits, breathes, but Matteo doesn't make any attempt to advance. More cautious this time David steps forward. Still, nothing. Matteo's eyes track the movement but he doesn't ready his weapon, just stands there. David gives him another second to react, to do  _ something _ , and then pulls his staff back to take another swing. 

He expects the second point to be made much like the first. Attack, stop himself at the last second from hitting his target, win. This time however, as soon as the arch of the jo staff comes down, Matteo neatly steps backwards out of its range.

David stumbles slightly, caught off guard. He blinks, surprised. It takes a second too long for him to right himself, getting back on sure feet. In that time Matteo could have easily taken the point, but he didn't. The boy just cocks his head to the side, a small teasing smile playing at the edge of his lips. So fucking sure of himself. 

Gritting his teeth David tries again, this time on the upswing, but once more Matteo dodges. This goes on for several minutes. David attacks, Matteo evades. Always close to making the point, but not close enough. Matteo’s jo staff stays innocently at his side as he moves, never once holding it up to swing. David feels as if he’s being silently mocked.

“Hit  _ back _ .” David spits. 

And all of a sudden David’s no longer standing. His feet are swept out from under him, and David hits the mat with a grunt. Air punches out of his lungs from both the shock and the impact. Matteo stand’s over him, weapon aimed at his throat. Slowly, Matteo moves the sick upwards, tapping lightly under David’s chin, lifting his head slightly to look straight into his eyes. 

“One to One.” Matteo says, voice barely above a whisper. Goosebumps break out across David’s skin despite the heat of the room.

Maybe even more surprising than the fall is the hand that is offered after. David looks at the outstretched palm for a split second before slipping his own in the grasp. He stands with the help of Matteo, and the two take up their spots on the mat again. 

After that the match is a fluid blur, a give and take. Like a choreographed dance, the two boys move around one another, the loud crack of wood on wood the background music to the performance. By the end of the class both Matteo and David are panting and red faced. The tally is three to two in favor of David, but it had been close, and he can’t be sure it would have been the same outcome if Matteo hadn’t practically handed the first point over. They’re grinning at each other around the heavy breathing. 

All at once David is struck by how beautiful Matteo is when he smiles like this. Dazzling and unrestrained. The thought pulls him up short. Because yes, of course David has noticed how handsome his roommate is. But the attraction had always been more abstract, not so concentrated and tangible. It's not something he's thought too much about. So the realization at exactly  _ how _ pretty the other boy can look, even sweaty and run down, almost blows David over.

Hoping against hope that none of this is showing on his face, David nods once. A peace offering. He can’t take back the things he said. And honestly he’s not sure he’d want to if he could. A lot of how Matteo has acted up until this point still rubs him the wrong way. But David will try to put all of that behind him for now if Matteo is willing to do the same.

Matteo’s grin goes softer around the edges, his eyes shine with recognition, and he nods back. 

That nod seems to go a long way. Over the next week their silences become less stained. David feels more comfortable just being in their shared space, no longer relegating himself to the common room. They continue to be paired up against one another in combat training- trying out different weapons and fighting methods.

David tries not to focus too hard on why their names keep getting called together at the beginning of every class despite some other pairs changing day to day. Tries not to focus on how well matched they are, how every step and attack is perfectly mirrored from the get go. Doesn't want to dwell too hard on what that might mean. Not yet. Instead he focuses on working harder, being better, learning more.

But he can't say he doesn't think at all about Matteo. Because he does, a worrying amount maybe.

Currently David is willing himself to sleep. Unsuccessfully of course. It's late, or early, depending on how you look at it. And David's body is tired but his mind doesn't seem to have gotten that memo. For some reason his brain is trying to torture him by running a constant loop of all the stupid things he's ever said overlapped with all the facts about Jaegers that he's afraid he's memorized wrong. The only thing that's keeping David in his bed and not double checking all his course work is the fact that he's sure Matteo wouldn't appreciate the lights being turned on at this hour.

Which, embarrassingly, is another thing keeping David up. The knowledge that Matteo is laying down just above him. Every small noise Matteo makes in his own bed sounds unbearably loud in the dark. Every rustle of fabric, every sigh, seems equal to a gunshot. It's maddening. 

David rolls onto his side and squeezes his eyes shut tight. He just wants to sleep. To no longer be conscious so he doesn't have to think about anything anymore. Not his past blunders or Jaeger mechanics or  _ Matteo  _ for Christ sake. 

But Matteo seems to have other plans.

In the inky blackness of their room David hears the springs of Matteo's mattress squeak. And then, with a soft thump, Matteo hops down from his bed to the floor. David squints from his soft cocoon as Matteo moves around the room aided by the soft glow from his phone's flashlight. The boy quickly tugs on a heavy sweater and laces up his shoes, seemingly unaware of the audience of one he has. When the shoes are in place Matteo clicks off his torch, plunging the room back into darkness. David stays very still, straining his eyes to see the outline of his roommate without the light.

He's doing it again, David thinks. Going somewhere, doing something, in the dead of night. David had thought before that the running away had something to do with himself. That Matteo just wanted to get away from David after their fight. And later, when Matteo continued to slip away randomly after dark, David had thought it might still be his fault. That Matteo had just been trying to get away from the strained energy that always seemed to manifest when the two of them were in the same room. The same way David had taken to spending a chunk of his time in the common room, an avoidance tactic. 

Maybe it was a little self important to think his very presence affected Matteo that much, sure, but it had made sense at the time.

This however, doesn't make sense. Because by all accounts Matteo and David are on alright terms now. Not friends or anything, but civil. So what is Matteo doing then? Where is he running off to at this hour, and why?

David watches silently as the door opens just enough for Matteo to slip out of. As soon as it clicks closed again, David is up. Quietly he grabs his own shoes, slips them on, and creeps over to the door. He pauses for a second, a hand on the doorknob.

It's stupid, illogical. It's late and David should go back to bed and try and get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep while he can. Whatever Matteo is doing doesn't actually matter. It doesn't concern him. He shouldn't care. David stands there, just breathing, tries to tell himself to let it go. 

Curiosity wins out in the end.

David steps out into the dull flickering light of the hallway, everything washed gray and sterile, just in time to watch Matteo round the corner. Slowly, quietly, and sure not to get too close, David follows. He feels a little silly doing it, creeping around like some kind of secret agent. But his desire to know is stronger than his embarrassment or guilt at the moment.

So David follows, fifteen steps behind, as Matteo makes his way through the facility. It's strange, how different everything looks in the dead of night, completely vacant and dim. Like a copy of itself made with too little printer ink. Feels more like a prison than a learning institution.

But Matteo seems unfazed, just like always. He walks down the halls like he could do it blindfolded, completely at ease. David remembers for a second what Leonie had said that first day, that Matteo practically grew up in this building. He imagines a smaller Matteo doing the exact same thing, wandering the halls at night while everyone else sleeps, and for some strange reason the idea makes him sad. 

The melancholy is quickly stamped out however, when David realizes where Matteo seems to be going. Because Matteo slips into the assembly room, and David knows that the only other way out of said room is through the entrance hall, the one with the desk and the Newton's cradle. The room with the main exit.

Is Matteo actually  _ leaving _ ?

David wrenches open the door, no longer worried about being sneaky. The room is dark, lit only by small motion sensored LEDs embedded around the stage and between the rows of chairs. David squints and let's the door swing shut behind him as he steps inside. Matteo, halfway across the room already, jolts at the sound. He turns mid jump, face stricken with surprise. Blue eyes impossibly wide and pink mouth open on a silent gasp. Matteo blinks for a moment, and then visibly relaxes as he takes in the sight of his roommate. 

"What are you doing here?" Matteo asks, a quiet murmur that somehow carries all the way to David's ears. David scoffs.

"What am I doing here? What are you doing here? Are you leaving the Academy?"

Matteo doesn't speak for a moment, just tilts his head to the side. Like he's studying David. Taking the whole of him in before deciding what to say. It makes David's skin break out into a nervous sweat. 

"And if I am?"

David isn't sure what he expected Matteo to say. Maybe to defend himself, to vehemently denied it, to tell David it's none of his business. Whatever he expected it wasn't this. David is taken aback a moment, mouth opening and then closing again. 

"Well I can't just let you go." David says back, his voice a sharp angry whisper. They weren't supposed to leave, not like this. They were allowed to go outside, sure. There's even a large track in the back of the facility that David likes to run when it's been nice out. But recruits can't just disappear during the middle of the night.

"Come on then boy scout. Wanna tag along and make sure I stay outta trouble?" Matteo asks teasingly, eyes sparkling in the low light. 

David fish-mouths again. He takes a step further into the room on instinct, hand going up. To what? To stop Matteo? To grab at him? He lets his arm fall again and Matteo just quirks an eyebrow.

"What? Can't do anything wrong huh, Mr. Perfect?" Matteo laughing now, words mocking but voice bright. A challenge, again. David sputters a bit because, Mr. Perfect, really. From the guy who got the number one spot without even trying. Then he grits his teeth, narrows his eyes. David has never been one to back down from a challenge.

"Alright then." David says, already regretting it. "Where too?"

* * *

David knows it’s a mistake even as he follows Matteo to the other side of the room. He knows it, but that doesn’t stop him.

Matteo approaches the door to the reception area but instead of opening it, crouches down and pulls out his cellphone. David opens his mouth to question what he’s doing, but Matteo shushes him and motions for David to crouch as well. Huffing in exasperation David obliges, sinking down towards the floor. Matteo clicks on his phone and just stares at the screen a second, seemingly checking the time.

After a long moment Matteo puts his phone away again and reaches up to turn the knob. David holds his breath, peering over the blonde boy's shoulder as the door slowly cracks open. It's silent, like somebody's greased the hinges, and light pours in through the sliver of an opening.

The door is placed just behind and to the right of the reception desk. The elegant woman from the first day isn't there tonight, but someone is. David cringes away from the door at the sight of him. A security guard. He doesn't look much like one, tall and wiry and not at all muscle bound. David would bet any single one of the recruits could take him in a fight. But he's wearing a uniform and sitting in front of a computer screen showing what looks to be a video feed of all the possible exits at the Academy, so he must be a guard. 

When the man stands from his seat David is ready to bolt. To turn tail and run till he's back to the safety of his bed. He's sure that the guard somehow knows that the two of them are hiding out in the dark despite his back being to them. But Matteo reaches out and grips David's arm tight in his pale cold hand. His calloused fingertips press sharply into the soft skin of David's inner wrist, just shy of being hard enough to leave a bruise. David stills, and breathes quietly, and tells himself not to think of Matteo's hands at all.

The man doesn't turn to look at them. He stands, and stretches, and makes his way to the front door. As soon as the security guard is outside, Matteo is pulling David to his feet. David goes easily and without much protest, unsure of what else to do. He got himself into this mess after all, with his big stupid mouth. Might as well follow through.

So he goes. Stumbles up behind Matteo, wrist still being squeezed, into the entrance hall. They're running towards the door now, feet slapping loudly on the white floors. David can't make himself worry too much about the nose. All he can focus on is the rushing of blood in his ears, the heat of excitement in his stomach. He hasn't done something this reckless since he was a teenager but the rush of adrenaline is familiar all the same. 

They make it out the door, and Matteo immediately tugs David with him to the right. The pair of them stumble into a bush that lines the walk way. David bites out a curse, twigs digging into his ribs, and Matteo slaps his palm over David's mouth. They sit there for a moment, half in the foliage and completely covered in shadow. The boy's skin stays pressed into David's lips. His palm grows damp from David's sharp breathing. They watch as the figure of the man rounds the corner of the building, out of sight. 

And then they're off again, David leading the way this time, running down the path till their feet hit pavement. He realizes he's laughing, quietly at first, but as soon as the two of them are out of earshot the sound grows. He's laughing, and gasping for air, and Matteo is doing the same. Bright giggles light up the cool darkness of the night. David feels like he could be flying. 

"Oh my god." David chokes out between laughs. "I can't believe we did that. How did you know we would be able to do that?"

"It's like clockwork." Matteo says, getting his breathing back under control. They're walking now, side by side, feet slowed now that they're unlikely to get caught. A long road stretches out in front of them. "Reiner's a huge pothead. Every night at the same time he goes outside to smoke and then falls asleep at the desk."

"What?" David questions, throwing a wide eyed look at Matteo, his voice delightfully disbelieving.

"I know, you'd think they could afford a better security team. I mean they could, before, but you know. Budget cuts. Shits expensive to maintain. Plus they don't seem too worried about people trying to break in really. Or breaking out." Matteo shrugs. It's the most David has ever heard Matteo say at one time. He might be a little enthralled at the sound of his voice, monotone and slow. 

"How did you know that?" David asks, trying to keep the awe out of his inflection. He's not awed. He's not. It's just weird is all, that he knows so much. Matteo is weird. And interesting maybe, just a little bit.

"That they're not worried about people breaking in? I mean, who would try? It's the Jaeger Academy for fucks sake." Matteo answers and David shakes his head.

"No, about the fact that the security guard is a pothead."

"Oh! He sells to me sometimes." Matteo admits casually. It startles another laugh from David. Definitely interesting.

They're almost to the end of the road, the Academy shrinking in the background, and David is starting to feel silly again. Like this might have been a bad idea. He still doesn't even know where they're headed, Matteo never gave a straight answer when David asked that first time. But then they're turning down a fork in the road, and a car is there, idling in the middle of the street.

Matteo picks up his pace to a jog until he's at the side of the car. David trails a little ways behind him, slightly wary. 

"Luigi!" Calls a man's voice when Matteo swings open the passenger door. 

"Na?" Matteo says back, sliding into the seat but not closing the door yet. David approaches till he's standing in front of the open door, peering into the car with narrowed eyes.

"Oh, and who's this?" Asks the driver, not unkindly. He looks to be around David and Matteo's age, white and round and harmless looking. With curly brown hair and warm brown eyes and a half quirked smile. David can feel his shoulders relax slightly at the sight of him. Not a threat, not yet at least. Plus Matteo seems completely at ease in his car, so there's that. 

"Jonas this is David. David, Jonas." Matteo introduces, hand flapping in the direction of one boy to the other. The boy, Jonas, just nods like that's all he has to know.

"Cool. You coming with then, David?" Jonas asks. Matteo raises a challenging eyebrow, and that's how David finds himself in the backseat of a stranger's car. His sister would be horrified if she knew. The David of an hour ago would be horrified too, to be fair. Where has all his self preservation gone? Seemingly it's been blown away in the face of one arched brow and a pair of pretty blue eyes. 

The radio is on low, playing softly enough that David can't really make out any of the lyrics. Matteo asks Jonas where the others are. David doesn't know who these others could be, doesn't even know where they're driving towards. But Jonas says that they're meeting them there, and then the car is quiet, and David doesn't ask.

They end up at a 24/7 dinner after a substantial amount of driving. David doesn't know what time it is anymore, forgot his phone back in their room, but he guesses it doesn't really matter. He's going to be tired tomorrow no matter what at this point.

Inside is pretty dead. They slide into an empty booth near the back of the restaurant. Jonas calls it "their booth", so David assumes this is a pretty regular occurrence for them. The others aren't there yet, and Matteo announces he needs to piss, leaving David alone with this relative stranger. He forces his face to stay impassive, like this doesn't make him nervous.

"So." Jonas says when they're alone after a minute of silence, drawing out the word slowly. A waitress hasn't come by yet, though David isn't really sure why. It's not like there are many other customers to deal with at the moment. "You're a new friend of Matteo's then?"

David shifts in the red upholstered seat. He wishes he had thought to put on his sweatshirt before leaving, wants the hood to pull over his head. The soft black sleep shirt isn't enough armor for the outside world. Not right now, when he's already feeling so off balance.

"I wouldn't necessarily say that. We're roommates." David answers carefully. He doesn't want to upset Jonas, doesn't know him well enough for that, but he doesn't want to lie either. Jonas just raises both of his eyebrows. He hums in response, looks over his shoulder towards the bathroom, and then back at David.

"Well," Jonas starts, and he has this look on his face, like he's not sure he should keep going. But he does anyway. "Well I think maybe you should be. He's a good guy, could use a couple more friends on the inside." 

He says it like the Academy really  _ is _ a prison. 'On the inside'. It should be ridiculously corny. But it isn't somehow. It just sounds honest and a little sad. David doesn't say anything in return because he doesn't know what to say. As much as he doesn't know Jonas, he's starting to realize he doesn't really know Matteo either. He very well could be a good guy like Jonas had said. A good guy who just needs some more friends. David doesn't have him as figured out as he thought he did at the start.

Matteo comes back out of the bathroom then. There's a ghost of a smile on his lips, and David can't help noticing how different he looks out here. Like some kind of weight has been lifted from his neck. Matteo doesn't stand taller, he's as noodle limbed as always, but still. There's something, a lightness to him.

"Scoot over." Matteo says, already pushing his way onto the bench seat next to David. He sprawls out like a marionette with its strings cut, arms and legs everywhere. David presses himself into the corner of the booth to try and get some space to himself. Jonas watches them from across the table. David has to look away, out the window, to avoid his stare. 

Outside is a flash of headlights. A moment later another pair of boys stumble into the dinner, loud and pushing at one another. When Jonas waves them over it dawns on David that these must be the aforementioned 'others'. They're snickering and tripping over each other till they reach the booth and turn to see David there. The two of them stop mid-shove, freezing in place while clutching onto each other. David can only sit there, blinking back at them.

"Wha?" Says one of them, not quite a whole word but a question all the same.

"Abdi, Carlos, sit down you fucking weirdos." Matteo says it like he's exasperated, but still fond. The tone of voice is strange coming out of him. The fact that he can care about anything enough to be fond of it takes David aback for a second, but the thought quickly makes him feel guilty. Of course Matteo cares about things, about people, he's not a fucking robot. He has to stop thinking of people as one dimensional characters from a bad tv show, even if that's what his initial judgement tells him. 

Abdi and Carlos sit down on Jonas's side of the table. A waitress seems to materialize as soon as they're seated, doling out sticky menus and asking for drink orders.

"So," One of them says when the server is gone. David isn't sure which, doesn't yet know who is Abdi and who is Carlos.

"Carlos, Abdi, David." Matteo says, indicating each person with a vague wave of his hand. Like in the car with Jonas, he already seems bored of the introductions, which feels more familiar to David than his fondness. It settles him. Matteo picks up his menu and starts flipping, seemingly uninterested in saying any more.

"Oooh you're  _ that _ David." Says Abdi, nodding to himself. Matteo smacks his menu down on the table and gives him a sharp look.

David can feel his cheeks go a little red. He doesn't know why Jonas ever asked if he and Matteo were friends, if he's already been mentioned to the group previously. David can't imagine Matteo had anything good to say about him.

"Uh, yeah, I guess." David answers, unable to think of anything else to say to that. He scratches at the back of his head awkwardly.

"Sick man." Carlos says with a sage nod. Jonas just rolls his eyes.

David expects the meal to be incredibly uncomfortable, but somehow, it's not. After the initial stall in conversation, things become easy. He might even go as far to say that it's nice _._ None of them say anything further about him being _'that_ David'. They don't confront him for his past rudeness to their friend _._ So maybe that's not something they even know about, though he's not sure what else Matteo could have told them about him. 

It's been hours now since dinner, and the food served at the dinner turns out to be leagues better than anything at the Academy, so David eats heartily. The other boys are kind and welcoming and wholly absurd. They talk about everything and nothing and David finds himself laughing openly on more than one occasion.

Matteo is still pretty quiet in general, it's obvious he's not the talker of the group. But that's ok too. Because David get's to hear  _ his _ laugh, and his cuttingly dry comments when he decides to make them.

"Did you just dip your French fry in ketchup  _ and _ ranch dressing? And you ate it? You monster." Abdi says around a bite of his own burger. David looks over in time to watch Matteo pick up another fry drenched in a now pink sauce and chomp down.

"No part of you is ever going to come anywhere near my mouth Abdi, so don't worry about what I decide to put into it." Matteo says back coolly. David's eyes widen a fraction at the words, and traitorously fall to Matteo's now greasy lips.

The table erupts into laughter at Matteo's comment. David forces himself to break his stare and sips at his water while Abdi sputters to defend himself. Matteo just grins and let's the rest of the boys go on debating the merits of various condiments, seemingly content to sit back and listen after that well executed burn. 

David realizes then that Matteo is actually pretty funny. Probably always has been, despite David's lack of notice. Matteo just chooses his words sparingly. Just like in training, how he takes his time before making any strikes. He takes his time to construct his sentences before saying them. Which is sort of refreshing in a world where everyone seems to want their opinion to be the loudest and first heard.

It's something David can actually relate to, which is not a thought he expected to ever have in regards to his roommate. To have a quietly agreed truce by necessity? Sure. But actual common ground? Similarities? It's not something David expected when he followed Matteo out of the Academy tonight. 

When everyone's done eating, Jonas, Carlos, and Abdi split the bill. David apologizes more than once for not having his wallet on him. It hadn't really been on his list of top priorities while spying on his roommate, though he doesn't say that in his apology. Jonas just waves him off, not at all bothered.

"You can get next time." Jonas says with a smile. And David actually finds himself hoping there will be a next time. 

They do a sort of dawn out goodbye outside in the dark car park. David hangs back a little after his own quick farewell, allowing the friends some privacy. He watches as Matteo gets hugs and hair ruffles from the other boys. Matteo laughs and beats each of them away half heartedly before returning the hug, and David can feel a lump start to grow in his throat at the sight of the easy affection.

"Only a few more weeks Mr. Florenzi, and then freedom!" Carlos says loudly, throwing his arm around Matteo's shoulder. That makes Matteo frown a bit, eyebrows furrowing. David notices as Matteo starts to close in on himself at the words, the weight that always seems present around his neck at the Academy returning. 

"Yeah man. We've missed you out here for real." Jonas says, voice much softer, smile a little sad. 

"Yeah, sure." Matteo says flatly. He pushes Carlos arm off and stalks over to the car where David is leaning against it. David shifts on his feet, the mood already turning sour in the air. 

"Come on, let's go." Matteo calls over to Jonas, pulling open the back door to the car and sliding in. It slams closed, the sound ringing in the air. Jonas huffs, and frowns, and then shakes his head. He looks like a disappointed father, something David is more than familiar with. Carlos seems instantly regretful.

"What's that about?" David wonders aloud.

"It's….complicated." Jonas answers without actually answering, making his way to the drivers side. David figures that's the only explanation he's going to get, and follows the boys into the car without further question.

The ride back to the academy is quiet. David riding shotgun this time after Matteo's outburst. But while Matteo is quick to anger he seems quick to cool down too. Jonas stops the car in the same place they found it, idling in the road a hundred and fifty yards or so away from the building's entrance. Matteo and Jonas exchange a fist bump, any resentments already forgotten. David throws out another goodbye and a thank you before climbing out of the car.

Sneaking back into the Academy proves much easier than David would have initially expected. Matteo uses a key card at the front door that David doesn't bother asking him about. The less he knows about Matteo's thievery the better in the long run. The guard is dead asleep, just as Matteo had predicted, and the two of them creep by without incident.

David is bone tired when they finally get back to their room. He falls into bed, eyes blinking heavily. Matteo crawls up into his own bunk, sighing contentedly.

"Goodnight Matteo." David mutters. It's the first time he's said it, he thinks, the first time he's wanted to.

"Night David." Matteo whispers back in the dark. David smiles into his pillow.

* * *

"I think I'm gonna be sick." Sara whines. She does look a little green. David resists the urge to shuffle away from her.

"Just breathe and try not to think about it. Come here. Let me braid your hair." Leonie instructs, but even she looks a little nervous.

David isn't much better. His chest has felt unbearably tight all day, his mouth permanently dry. It's dinner time, but they're outside sitting on the track, none of them feeling particularly hungry. David wants to run, but he's been doing that off and on all day, and his legs are jello at this point.

And anyway, he can't run away from this.

It's the last full day of his first trimester at the Academy. Maybe the last full day at the Academy period, depending on his results.

While the first two cumulative test scores were posted up for everyone to see, the final test has been treated with a little more decorum than that. After dinner each recruit will be called in to have a quick meeting with a board of teachers to get their results and be told whether or not they should be expecting to return in two weeks for Pons training. David knows he's in a much better position than many of his other recruits, and so are Sara and Leonie. All of their past test scores have been well above average. But still. Anything could happen. 

David wonders briefly where Matteo is right now. Is he inside stuffing his face, as seemingly unaffected as ever? And what result is he hoping for? Does he actually want to return in two weeks, just as badly as David does, or is he hoping for 'freedom' despite his stellar work so far? So much about him still confused David, but no longer in a way that angers him. He just wants to  _ understand _ . 

Things with Matteo have been easier since the night they snuck out together, friendly even. They talk now. Not about anything super serious, just the light happy stuff. Matteo tells stories about Carlos and Abdi and Jonas- about all the crazy stupid things they got up to in high school. And David talks about Laura- about how she's one of those free spirit energy crystal types, but still somehow the most solid person in David's life. 

David even broke down a few days before their last test and asked Matteo to help him study. The boy got ranked number one on the first two tests, you'd think he'd be good at studying, even though David has never actually seen him do it. He's not. He ends up being more of a nuisance than anything, but in a way that made David want to laugh instead of scream.

Even their silences are nice now. Easy, comforting. Neither of them feel the pressure to talk unless they want to, unless they have something to say. The change is like night and day. And David is starting to really appreciate the sunshine.

"We should go back inside. They'll start calling names soon." Leonie says, tying off Sara's neat braid with a neon pink hair tie. She's right, dinner should be over soon. And Sara will be one of the first to get her results, what with her last name starting with an A and all. 

"You guys go ahead, I'll be in in a minute." David says as the girls climb to their feet. They just nod and Leonie grabs Sara's hand, pulling her towards the building.

David sighs and leans back on his hands. He closes his eyes and tries to tell himself that no matter the outcome, he'll be ok. He'll still have Laura, and he might have even gotten a few friendships out of the experience, as shocking as that is. It takes him awhile. Just sitting there, ordering himself not to panic. But finally he breathes, and steals himself, and follows the girls back inside.

By the time he gets back inside and finds the girls Sara already has her results. It's a yes, she's made it through to the next level of training. David manages a quick congratulations, before clamping his mouth shut on a wave of nausea. 

Leonie gets hers next. Another yes. Sara and Leonie jump into each other's arms, spinning and laughing and twirling. Leonie presses ecstatic kisses into every inch of Sara's face. David wants to be happy, and he  _ is.  _ He's so happy for them, that they get to return together. But another part, a darker and slimier part of him, sees it as just one more slot taken away. One less chance that David will get to come back too. He stomps on that part of himself, squishes it under his shoe, and gives each of his friends a tight hug.

"Proud of you guys." David breathes into their sweet smelling hair. They stand together, hugging while they wait for David's turn. He squeezes Sara and Leonie close till his arms stop shaking. 

He hasn't seen Matteo all day. He must have his results by now too. David wonders dimly what they were, and if he's happy. And then his name is being called, and it no longer matters. David steps away from his friends on unsteady legs, and walks through the door.

The room is small, an office of some kind. With portraits of seascapes hung on the walls. David stares at one, at the perfectly painted waves, an anxiety building up in him like he expects a Kaiji to burst from frame. He forces his eyes away. Behind a dark wooden desk sits three of David's teachers. A chair is set up across from them. David sits.

"Alright let's get started Mr. Schreibner." David's Kaiju science professor says, clearing her throat. He clenches his fists on top of his thighs, feels his hands grow slick with sweat. None of their faces betray anything, no pride or pity. It feels like ages before anyone speaks again.

"So," His professor continues, brandishing a piece of paper that she squints at behind her thick glasses. "Your ranking for the final cumulative exam was, let's see…second place."

The teachers continue to talk around him. They're complimenting David, he thinks. Something about steady improvement and hard work ethic. But David' brain has stopped processing words entirely. It's just a steady stream of  _ second place, second place, second place _ . Everything else has ceased to feel real. Panic leaves him so quickly it feels like a head rush. He thinks he might have let out a choked breath without meaning to. 

"And so we'd like to extend the offer for you to return for more training in two weeks time." Thankfully David's brain has enough sense left to tune back in for that statement. He stands, stutters out a thank you, a thank you so very much. David shakes each one of their hands, hoping they can't feel how damp his are. He manages to carry himself out of the room on autopilot.

Leonie and Sara are there, sitting in the hallway waiting for him. He's not sure what his face looks like, can't seem to make it do anything. But the girls go from looking cautiously optimistic to worried, so it can't be a good expression that's stuck there.

"I.." David starts. His voice shakes. "I did it."

Sara and Leonie are on him in a flash. They grab him up in another tight hug, squealing happily. David laughs, a strangled thing, and hugs them back.

The group celebrates for a while in the common room. Sitting on the uncomfortable couches and chatting about what each of them plans to do during their time off. David let's himself really feel excited about seeing Laura again, now that he knows his time here isn't done for good. Eventually though he has to beg off back to his room. David still hasn't packed up all his things yet, the idea of doing so made everything feel too final before, and he really needs to get that done tonight.

Matteo is there when David enters, wadding up random pieces of clothing and chucking them blindly into his duffle bag. David pauses just inside the room. He's trying to gauge Matteo's mood from a safe distance. The boy's face is completely neutral, safe for a sharp tension around the corners of his mouth. Like he's forcing it not to frown. His deep blue eyes look far away and clouded over.

"Hi roomie." David says awkwardly. Matteo jolts like he hadn't realized he's no longer alone. His eyes focus in again, the tension lifting from his mouth and pulling it into a half smile half grimace.

"Oh, hi." His voice is carefully blank.

"Packing?" David asks, unsure of what else to say, how to broach this topic with him. Matteo just grunts. He throws another crumpled ball of fabric into his bag.

"Right, me too. I've gotta um, do that." David's embarrassed for himself even as the words are coming out of his mouth. Matteo doesn't dignify that with a response either, not that David blames him. 

David sighs and goes to retrieve his own half filled suitcase. They stay like that for a while, David neatly folding the rest of his clothes away and Matteo cramming his in haphazardly, pointedly not talking about the elephant in the room. Which is fine, really. But then Matteo starts cursing under his breath, and David turns his head to see the other boy struggling with the zipper on his duffle. He bites down on a smile at the sight of Matteo's childish pout.

"Here, let me help." David says. He holds the bag in place, pulling the teeth of the zipper close together. The thing bulges, and David worries briefly that the stitching might break under the strain, but then Matteo tugs at the zipper again and it closes without further incident.

"Thanks" Matteo mutters with a complicated smile on his face. It doesn't quite reach his eyes. David frowns.

"No problem man." David says quietly. They go back to not talking, to ignoring the aforementioned elephant. David continues to pack, sighing again. 

"So." Matteo starts. It surprises David so much that he stops folding. "Are you coming back?"

"Yeah. Yeah I am. Are you?" David asks, turning away from his suitcase to face him. 

"Yeah, I'll be back." Matteo sounds resigned. Tired.

"Well good." David states, an air of finality to his voice. Like it is good as long as David says so. Matteo raises an eyebrow. "I'm glad I'll get to see you again."

David isn't sure if it's the right thing to say. It is the  _ truthful _ thing to say. He is honestly happy that Matteo will still be here. That they'll have more opportunities to spend time together. He doesn't know how it's happened, but he's actually growing fond of the other boy, no matter how confusing and frustrating he can sometimes be. David wants the time and permission to slowly understand Matteo, which is terrifying all on it's own, because David knows that understanding is usually a two way street. He can't have people get that close, not really, not yet. But he still can't help but want.

Then Matteo is smiling. It's a warm smile that actually reaches his eyes this time. His whole face is pale and soft and open. And David knows it was the exact right thing to say.

"Me too." Matteo says, and David is smiling back now, unable to help it. "Hey, do you want any help packing."

"Do you even know how to fold clothes?" David teases. Matteo's answering snort and soft shove only makes David's grin widen.

The sky is overcast the next morning. Clouds that look like they’re ready to open up hang overhead. It may have been poetic or something, if David had felt sad enough about leaving to require rain. But he doesn’t, because he’ll be back again soon. He pulls on his thick hoodie just in case.

Departure happens after breakfast. Leonie explained last night that she would be catching a ride back into town with Sara, so David will be taking the bus ride solo. Sara's dad is already there waiting when the three of them step outside into the cool wet air. They hug, and say their goodbyes, and the girls drive away leaving David standing on the pavement. All around him people are saying their farewells and hopping into cars. Others wait around, either for their rides or for the bus like David.

"Hey, David!" A vaguely familiar voice calls out, cutting through the chatter.

It's Jonas, having just pulled up in the same car they used to sneak out all those nights ago. He's leaning over the console, waving out of the rolled down passenger window. David blinks and looks around. He's not really supposed to know Jonas, but he guesses nobody  _ knows _ that he's not supposed to know him. He approaches the car with a hesitant smile on his face.

"Uh, hi Jonas."

"My man, how have you been?" Jonas asks, a wide grin stretching across his face, like they're old friends or something. He sounds genuinely happy to see David, Instead of coming off as fake and forced. It's flattering.

"Good, you?" David leans slightly on his suitcase's retractable handle, peering down into the window. 

"Can't complain. Hey! Heard you made it through, same as Matteo. Good for you dude." Jonas congratulates, flashing a cheesy thumbs up. 

"Oh," David says, taken aback. The fact that Matteo must have mentioned him in conversation again makes David's cheeks heat for some unknown reason. He wishes it were warm out so he could blame the blush on that. "Yeah, thanks."

"No problem! I'm glad you'll be there with him. You can keep an eye on Luigi for me." Jonas says it like it's only half a joke. 

David can't help but feel a little annoyed on Matteo's behalf. He opens his mouth to say that he doesn't think Matteo really needs looking after, considering how well the boy did during the first trimester, but stops when something smacks him in the back. David straightens up again and turns. 

"Speak of the devil himself." Jonas chuckles.

Matteo stands there, a mischievous look on his face. He's holding his bag, which David can only assume was the smacking weapon in question. David kicks out at him in retaliation. Matteo snickers quietly and dances out of the way, moving around David to get to the car.

"Are we giving him a ride?" Matteo inquires casually, throwing his bag into the backseat.

"Oh shit, sorry man, how rude of me. Do you need a ride someplace?" Jonas asks.

"Oh that's, I mean uh," David sputters. Matteo smiles and raises an eyebrow, like he wants David to say yes.  _ David _ wants to say yes. "No. Thank you. I'm taking the bus to the train station."

"Suit yourself." Matteo says with a shrug. He hops into the passenger seat and pulls the door closed. Matteo smiles and says softly, "I'll see you around David."

"See you," David parrots dumbly as the car pulls off down the road. He's still standing there when the bus comes into view.

The journey home is a long one. David is a little sore and tired from the ride when the train finally pulls up to his stop, but he immediately brightens when he steps off onto the platform. Laura is standing there holding up one of those signs, the kinds chauffeurs have in films, with David's name scrawled across it in her familiar script.

God how he'd missed this absolute dork.

"Hey stranger," Laura says, latching onto David in a tight hug, sign forgotten at her side. "Let's get you home."

David spends his first week back being smothered by Laura. Not in a wholly bad way. It's nice to be so loved, if not a little exhausting. They spend all day together every day, like they're trying to squeeze as much sibling bonding out of the short time they have.

They go out on the town, poking into small shops with knick knacks and old bound books with no intention of actually buying anything. They go to museums and grab lunch from street carts and take long walks without a clear destination. At night they cook together, though David is more of a hindrance than a help in that department. They watch old movies while quoting lines back and forth like old times.

Laura asks about the Academy, though it's clear she's still unhappy about it all. David tells her about how challenging but also rewarding the work is. He tells her more about Sara and Leonie, who he's been texting on and off with since getting back home. He doesn't really know what to say about Matteo. All appropriate descriptors seem to abandon him as soon as the topic of his previous roommate is brought up. Instead David sidesteps the topic, asking Laura about her time while he was away. 

It's good, all of it. Going home is the stress relief David needed, a recharge. It's perfect. Until it's not.

Five days till David is set to return to the Academy there's an emergency report on the news. Another Kaiju emerged from the depths of the ocean, just off the coast of Japan. Two Jaeger's were deployed from the Tokyo Shatterdome to take it down. And they did, no civilian lives were lost in an attack thanks to their quick response. But one of the Jaeger's went down in the fight. Both of the pilots were killed. Just like that, wiped from this universe.

David doesn't do much other than stay in his room and lay in bed after that, attempting to hide from his feelings, from his anger and sadness and fear. But he can't, not when he sees the faces of the fallen pilots behind his closed eyelids every night. Just like the falling of the Golden Gate Bridge. It's a permanent scar that no one else can see, right over his heart.

David's energy only returns to him when it's finally time to go back to training. Melancholy and mental distress turning into a renewed determination, even more focused and red hot this time. The tragedy serves as a sobering reminder of what is at stake, and why he has to do this. 

It's time to learn how to use all this furious determination and finally fight back. 

* * *

David's not really sure what he expected from Pons training. Maybe he figured they'd just dive right in. To start working immediately with his copilot on mastering the drift, the system by which all Jaeger's are controlled. From what David had learned during his first trimester it seemed they'd need all the time they had available to master it. So why not jump in feet first?

It turns out they don't jump in at all, not right away at least.

Whatever it was that David was expecting, it certainly wasn't mediation and mindfulness and therapy sessions. But that's exactly what he gets for the entire first week back at the Academy. And it nearly drives him up a wall.

Dr. Meier, David's new assigned therapist, is nice enough. She's one of four therapists at the Academy, and David guesses he's lucky to have gotten her out of all of them. She's not pushy in the way that a number of his past mental health professionals have been. She let's David talk about what he wants to talk about at first. Even though he doesn't really want to talk about much.

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Schreibner." Dr. Meier had said during that first session. She was chubby and short, with soft looking hands and curly brown hair.

"I don't really understand why I'm here." David said, and immediately regretted how rude that sounded. "I mean it's nice to meet you too."

The doctor just laughed, loud and open. And then she smiled. A maternal aura seemed to waft out from her.

Meier went on to explain exactly why David  _ was _ there, though the comment had mostly been rhetorical. She said that the job he was expected to do was a very taxing one, both mentally and physically. Which he had known already, but kept his mouth shut about, not wanting to insult her twice in as many minutes.

"Studies have shown that counseling throughout the Pons training process has led to a higher rate of success. Which is all I'm here for, to help you succeed." She had said, voice patient and kind. David guessed that had made sense, but it didn't mean he had to enjoy it.

"So you find out who your potential Jaeger co-pilot is tomorrow." The therapist states now, five days and five sessions after that first meeting.

"Yeah." David says back. He doesn't know what else to say about it, other than he still doesn't understand why they waited so long to tell the recruits who their co-pilot's will be. Breathing exercises and EMDR therapy be damned- he just wants to get into it already.

Dr. Meier had said it was so everybody could focus on improving themselves first, instead of being preoccupied with working as a pair right away, when David had brought it up. She said that teams function better when each individual part learns to work well on it's own. That mental and emotional wellness was one of the most important elements of a successful Jaeger pilot. And while all that was probably true, David thought it might actually be because the Academy wants insight from the shrinks before officially matching the recruits up. Of course he doesn't tell Dr. Meier that particular theory.

It doesn't really matter either way. David already knows who his co-pilot will be. He probably knew from the very beginning, from that first duel with the Jo staffs. Matteo is going to be his partner. It's the only thing that makes sense, the only logical conclusion. They were Drift compatible, despite everything else. He could feel it in his gut.

David doesn't know what to make of his own confidence in this fact. He decides to just not think about it at all. He'll know for sure if he's right soon enough. 

"Are you afraid? About Drifting for the first time?" Dr. Meier asks after a beat of silence.

"I'm not afraid of anything." David says immediately. The doctor gives him a look, like that's the wrong answer and she wants him to think of a different one. What happened to no wrong answers in therapy? That was a thing wasn’t it, like the customer being always right. But David guesses that rule is bulshit too.

And anyway, It  _ is _ the wrong answer. It's not a truthful answer at least. David is afraid of a lot of things, and most of all, of Drifting.

The Drift isn't something that most average people regularly talk about, or even think about really. Mostly because it's not something the general public has a lot of concrete knowledge on. They know it exists. That the Pons method, using two or more pilots at a time, is the only way for Jaeger's to work. That it's a mental piloting system that takes a lot out of the participants. But the finer details are a little fuzzy. They were certainly fuzzy for David before he joined up at the Academy, which maybe should have been a red flag.

The details aren't fuzzy anymore. Not since he spent two months learning the ins and outs of Jaegers and the Pons system, cramming every fact and stat into his skull in order to pass. Now it makes him feel a little ill just thinking about it all. About what the Drift really means. David assumes keeping the general public in the dark about the Drift is a recruitment measure- because who would want to voluntarily let someone else into their innermost thoughts?

"So maybe I'm a little scared of Drifting." David finally relents. He wants to look away from the woman's kind eyes, down to the floor, but doesn't want to look like even more of a coward than he already feels. He swallows and starts again. "But that's not going to stop me."

And it's true. As much as the idea of having someone in his head for even a second makes David want to vomit, it's not going to keep him from doing what he has set out to do. If the threat of death can't sway him from his goals, then nothing can. 

"I know it wont." Dr. Meier agrees with a smile. "But that doesn't mean it's not an important thing to talk about. You shouldn't let fears go unchecked. What specifically about the Drift scares you David?"

David takes a moment before answering. He just sits quietly and looks at her. She must know. There is no way she doesn't know. 

When David first applied to train at the Academy they required a lot of paperwork. Paperwork that included medical files. His journey of transition had to have been all over those files. At the time David was terrified that his transness would disqualify him right away from recruitment. It hadn't. Dr. Meier has yet to bring it up in any of their sessions together, even though he's sure she  _ has _ to know. David can't tell if this fact makes her very good or very bad at her job. But It might be a part of the reason why he likes her so much. 

"I'm transgender." David says, just to have it out there. The words aren't so scary to speak out loud when he's sure she already knows. Dr. Meier nods and waits for David to continue. "I'm transgender and when I Drift, my partner is going to know. They're going to know everything about me."

"Yes." Dr. Meier says with another nod. Because it's a fact. Being trans is something so intertwined with David's past and who he is as a person today, that it will be impossible to hide from his co-pilot while their consciousnesses are connected. There'll be nowhere to run from that.

"That's what scares me." David finishes lamely, unsure of what else to say.

"That's a very understandable fear. The level of vulnerability that comes with the Drift scares so many pilots at first. Your Jaeger partner will know you on a level that no one else ever could, that's a lot to come to grips with." David isn't sure if the doctor's words are supposed to be reassuring, but they certainly don't feel that way. He can feel himself tensing up. His hands tighten reflexively on his thighs, black denim the only thing keeping his fingernails from cutting into skin.

" _ But _ ," Meir continues, holding up a finger like she's about to make a very important point. "Your partner will also understand you in a way that no one else ever could. Truly understand and empathize with you. And to me that's the most beautiful part of this whole thing- other than the selflessly defending your fellow man from danger part, of course."

"Of course," David echoes a little weakly, making the doctor chuckle.

He's still stewing on the conversation when dinner finally rolls around.  _ Truly understand and empathize with you _ . He wishes that would make the whole thing less terrifying, but it doesn't really. Not after everything he's been through. 

David stabs at the limp lettuce drenched in Italian dressing, only half paying attention to the world around him. His table-mates thankfully don't seem to mind his lack of interest. Sara and Leonie are too caught up in debating the hotness level of various celebrities to care about him spacing out. And Matteo, the newest addition to their meal sharing group, has been just about as quiet as David all night.

David lifts a fork full of salad to his mouth, eyes cutting over to the boy sitting next to him. He fits there, Matteo does. Like he's always been with them. Like he was meant to be there. Which sounds a little trite, but still feels true. Leonie had raised her eyebrows a little judgmentally the first time David invited Matteo to join them at breakfast a week ago. But as much as those two bicker with one another, even that seems to fit.

David wonders, chewing thoughtfully, about what’s going on in Matteo's head now. Is he too thinking about the looming start of their Pons training? About the fact that in a few day's time they'll be expected to Drift? Has he, just like David, suspected that his destined co-pilot is sitting right next to him? It's not a topic the boys have spoken about together very much since their return. Mostly because David has been too nervous about absolutely everything to bring it up himself, keeping to lighter subjects as much as he can.

"Hey," Matteo's voice drawls out all of a sudden, catching the other boy off guard completely. 

David has to force himself not to flinch and drop his gaze when Matteo turns to look at him.  _ It's not like he can read your mind yet _ , he chastises himself silently,  _ pull yourself together already _ . David raises an eyebrow and works to keep his face relatively blank.

"Are you going to finish that?" Matteo continues, pointing to David's half eaten roll.

A laugh disguised as a breath punches out of David's nose. He nods and gestures for Matteo to take the bread, watching with a small smile as the blonde smothers it in butter and bites off a hunk. So maybe he's not as hung up on all of this as David is. Good. At least one of them deserves to have some piece of mind. Distracted for the moment, David let's his smile grow and tunes back into his friend's conversation, tension slowly leaving him.

The next morning David feels much calmer than expected. It's like a blanket has been thrown over him, dulling the built up panic till all that's left is quiet certainty. He dresses for the day slowly. Now that the recruits are no longer sharing rooms, David doesn't have to hide out in a stall in fear of Matteo seeing his scars.

It's early still, even by the Academy's standards. The halls are quiet and devoid of life. Without much other options, David decides to head down to the common room to brew himself some coffee while he waits for the day to really begin. When he gets there he's surprised to find that he wasn't the only person with that idea.

"Oh, hey." Leonie says around a tired smile. She's sitting on one of the old couches, feet tucked under her and both hands wrapped around a steaming mug.

"Is there any more of that?" David asks in lieu of a greeting.

"Knock yourself out." She answers, indicating the half full pot with a tip of her head. 

David let's out a small grunt in thanks and goes to fill up one of the chipped cups. He sits down next to Leonie and takes a long sip. The coffee isn't great by any stretch of the imagination, but it's hot and caffeinated and that's all David really needs at the moment. A long sigh escapes him after he swallows. The pair stay quiet for a while, sipping and breathing and being. 

"You're up early." David remarks after half his cup is empty. 

"It's a big day." Is all Leonie says in return. David nods. Indeed it is. Thankfully the blanket stays thick, panic not yet seeping back through the calm.

"Are you scared?" David asks.

"Terrified." It's a strangely vulnerable answer coming from Leonie. It makes David smile a little. Honesty among friends never came easy to David for obvious reasons, but in that moment it doesn't seem so hard.

"Me too." He agrees, because even though he can't feel it as strongly in that moment, he knows it's still true. They're silent again after that. When the two of them finish their coffee they just sit, side by side, taking some kind of solace in one another's presence.

They're still there in the common room when breakfast time rolls around. David and Leonie silently decide to take their chances with the vending machine snacks instead of the crowd in the mess hall. Munching on a few bags of half stale pretzels, hidden away, quiet. It's almost peaceful. Like they're existing outside of the craziness of the Academy for just a little while. But all too soon they have to leave that fragile bubble and face their future.

"All right," Leonie sighs, hooking her arm around David's as they both stand. "Let's do this."

‘Doing this’ actually ends up taking longer than David had hoped. For some reason, sadistic or not, they aren’t assigned co-pilots as soon as they walk into the auditorium. They’re told instead to sit and wait. A few other recruits are already there, including Sara who gives them a wobbly smile when they sit down.

“Hi guys.” She whispers. Leonie immediately reaches out and clasps Sara’s hand in her’s, knuckles going white from her squeeze. David is glad they can find strength in the press of their palms, even as a strange wave of jealousy comes over him at the sight. Not necessarily jealousy for Leonie or Sara specifically of course, but still.

David turns away from them and their hands, craning his neck to try and catch a glimpse of Matteo instead. The rest of the soon-to-be pilots are trickling in and finding their seats now. But not Matteo. Typical. The predictability of it would make David smile if he wasn’t teetering on the edge of panic again.

"Alright, it's time to get started then." The Marshal says from the stage as the recruits take their seats. 

David almost does something stupid, like stand up and tell the head of the Academy that he has to wait. But then the doors bang open, just as loud and obnoxious as the first day, revealing Matteo. He looks like he'd just rolled out of bed, hair even more of a mess than normal and what looks like a pillow crease on his blushing cheeks. It makes David grin despite himself.

"As I was  _ saying _ ." Marshal Toro continues sounding half annoyed and half amused, an effect that this ridiculous boy seems to have on many people. And Matteo, the little shit, gives a half assed salute before taking the first available seat, shy smile on his face. David catches his eye for a brief second before having to turn back around. That second is all he needs to calm himself again though, the blue washing away David's appreciation almost completely.

"A Drift partnership is sacred. The perfect synchronicity of two minds, bodies, and souls is the only thing that keeps our Jaeger pilots alive. The only thing that keeps our entire world safe from the scourge of the Kaiju. That being said, assigning co-pilots is not something we take lightly here at the Academy. Our team has chosen each pair after careful consideration of all possible variables. And I can safely say that each pair has the potential to be Drift compatible, _ if _ you work hard for it."

The Academy director pauses in his speech to look around the room. He takes his time to meet the eyes of every recruit that has made it to this point. David meets the gaze head on, chin lifted. He's ready.

"Now let's get started."

They're told to stand and approach the podium when their names are called. Marshal Toro explains that after being matched up they'll have all the time they need to spend with their new co-pilots before the first attempts at Drifting tomorrow. The air seems to go still when he opens his mouth to call out the first name, like even the room they're in knows how big of a deal this is. Time freezes for just a moment, before being kick-started again at double the speed. There are twenty recruits but somehow Leonie's name is still called first.

David can feel when Leonie locks up in shock next to him. He reaches over and squeezes her non occupied hand, quick and firm, a show of silent support. And then she's standing, looking every bit as strong as she did when they first met coming off the bus together. A warrior just waiting for her turn in battle. She climbs the few steps up to the stage slowly and returns the Marshal's hand shake.

"And Sara  Adamczyk." Sara is out of her seat before Director Toro is even done pronouncing her full name. She makes an inhuman noise when she springs up, something between a squeak and a gasp. Leonie laughs from the stage, a huge grin taking up her face. 

David watches with his own soft smile as Sara practically runs up the stage. The group applauds as she pulls Leonie into a fierce hug, before doubling back to shake the Marshal's hand quickly. Leonie throws an arm around Sara's waist as soon as she's back within reach, and the two smile prettily at one another. They look like poster children for The Academy like this. David feels himself fill up with a warmth and pride he usually only reserves for Laura at the sight. 

The girls return to their seats shortly after with wet eyes and blinding grins. David wants to tell them both how happy he is, how perfect he knows they'll work together, but the ceremony continues on before he can say much more than a simple congratulations. More matches are made, cheers given. Until finally it’s time.

When David's name is finally called he feels as if he's under water. Floating. Carried by the current, up the steps and onto the stage. Until he turns back toward the crowd and those same eyes anchor him again. That blue, just like the ocean. Like the pacific. Matteo is staring back hard. Because he _knows,_ David's sure of it. He's sure.

"And Matteo Florenzi."

* * *

"We need to talk."

Matteo doesn’t say anything in response. In fact he hasn't said anything at all since his name was called earlier, linking the two of them together in some cosmic way. Instead Matteo just nods and begins to make his way around the other students and out of the assembly room without a word.

David might’ve been worried about his partner's silence if he wasn't already caught up in worrying about himself. Pushing it all away and deciding not to dwell on any of it, he follows on behind. They duck out of sight of a happily chatting Leonie and Sara and back out into the hallways of the Academy.

The corridors are quiet and deserted when the door closes behind them, everyone else still caught up in the celebration of their matching, and they remind David of the night he spied on Matteo in the dark. That night had been the first step to really understanding the other boy. The first step to forming a friendship, unbeknownst to the both of them. And now here they are, at the door to Matteo's room, and at the precipice of something that could either solidify that bond or break it completely. 

David tries to hold onto  Dr. Meier’s words, to her confidence.

They're silent as they enter the room, and silent when they sit down. Matteo on his bed and David in the desk chair. It's a long quiet minute, the two of them just looking at each other. Finally Matteo raises a questioning eyebrow that kickstarts David's brain to mouth connection again. 

"We need to talk." He blurts. 

"You said that already." Matteo points out. Right.

"Right."

David knows he needs to say more. That letting this drag out won't help anything. But no matter how many times he's come out it never seems to get any easier. For a moment he regrets not writing out some kind of script like he used to do when he was younger. Sighing, David shuts his eyes. 

"So we're going to be co-pilots. We're going to Drift." David starts, eyes still closed.

"Uh huh." Matteo's tone doesn't betray any of his feelings on the matter. It’s just a fact. Simple and sure.

"Do you know what being trans means?" David hears himself ask. He's a little bit proud when his voice doesn't shake or crack.

"What?" Is all Matteo answers back with, confusion bleeding into the blankness. The shift in tone makes David's eyes pop open. He quickly catalogs everything about Matteo's demeanor, assessing the threat levels before continuing. Matteo's head is cocked to the side, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows, lips pursed. But there's no disgust there, no vitriol, only puzzlement. David lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

"Transgender. Do you know what it means to be transgender?" He clarifies, fighting his own fear in order to keep eye contact, even as unseeing as his own eyes are this state. Fighting to stay in his own body as the panic settles over him like a physical weight. As it pulls around his veins and snakes up his throat.

"Oh." Matteo blinks slowly. The blue, blue blue of his eyes the only thing David can hold onto. "Um, yeah. I guess so. Like. I guess I know the basics."

'I guess so'. It's so casual and so _Matteo_ that David wants to laugh. He clamps his mouth around the sound, sure that it would come out sounding hysterical. The basics will have to do.

"Well that's me, I'm transgender." David says, voice barely above a whisper. His heart thunders in his chest, threatening to break free of his ribcage. He watches closely as the confusion clears from Matteo's face. “I wanted to tell you before we Drifted for the first time.”

"So you're a trans-" Matteo starts.

"Man. I'm a trans man." David cuts him off quickly. “I’ve always been a man. It’s just that the rest of the world didn’t always see it that way.”

His back is a tense line, shoulders pulled up near his ears, hands clenched into fists. Ready for this whole conversation to turn south now that the truth is out in the air. But Matteo doesn’t lash out. He just nods.

"Oh. Okay. Cool dude." Matteo says easily. Just like that. And then it's David's turn to sit there and blink, processing. 

"Cool?" Slowly, David untenses, more from shock than anything else. 

"Yeah. I mean if we're doing the whole coming out thing or whatever then...well I'm gay. So yeah." Matteo answers with a shrug, cheeks going a little pink at his own revelation. A revelation that makes David’s mouth drop open slightly in astonishment. 

"Oh. Cool." He parrots dumbly. This is not at all how David thought this conversation was going to go. He's so pleasantly surprised that a smile starts tugging at his lips unconsciously. Matteo chuckles quietly, smiling back that crooked grin of his.

It hits David again, just as strong as the first time, the realization that Matteo is stunning. Especially when he looks like this, happy and relaxed, blush still high on his cheeks. David wants to lean in. To use his lips to see if the skin is hot to the touch. And now he knows that Matteo is gay. That he might not be wholly opposed to the idea...

David grabs the end of that thought as fast as he can, pulling it to a stop. The last thing he needs is this budding infatuation to ruin their chances at a compatible drift. He’ll lock it away in the deepest recesses of his subconscious if he has to. 

"So." David coughs. He wants to physically shake the attraction off, but stays still so as not to come off as any weirder than he already does. "We should talk strategy."

Matteo just groans in protest, flopping back on his bed. So dramatic. 

They don't end up getting much strategy done at all. Instead Matteo spends a good chunk of time brushing past David’s important questions while insisting that they have nothing to worry about. It should infuriate David, and it does to an extent. He has so much riding on this that Matteo's flippant attitude is kind of insulting, but after getting to know him David can see through the curtain of apathy he puts up. Can see the nerves underneath. Nervousness is something he can definitely sympathize with. 

Eventually David stops pushing so hard. They've both trained for this. A board of professionals have decided they have a high likelihood of being good pilots together. Trying to get something out of Matteo that he clearly doesn't know how to give isn't going to help matters at all. At this point he just has to trust that the two of them will be able to handle it tomorrow when the pressure is actually on.

“Alright, alright fine. Let’s go find the girls then. I’m sure they’ll want to talk our ears off about how happy they are.” David relents with a fond eye roll. Matteo just snorts and nods, all traces of serious conversations forgotten for now.

* * *

The Pons headset is cold. David doesn't know why that's so jarring but it is. The metal pressing into his scalp is the only thing he can focus on while lab-coat-wearing technicians buzz around him. It's cold and uncomfortable and a little bit scary seeing as it's the key to the Drift.

The key to everything.

"Alright gentlemen." Says one of the technicians holding a clipboard, drawing David's attention up and out of his own head. "In a moment we're going to start up the machine. Obviously there's no Jaeger here to synchronize with, that part comes later. Right now all we want from the two of you is a strong and steady Drift to make sure you're ready for that next step. Any questions?"

David's eyes immediately go to the right, searching out Matteo's baby blues. But Matteo is looking at the ground. He looks small like this, curled in on himself as much as he can be while still standing. His hands are clenched in white knuckled fists and there's strain on his face that David aches to wipe away with the pads of his fingertips. 

David's mouth opens, goes to say something, anything to get Matteo to look at him.  _ Are you alright? Do you need a minute? I know you can do this, I'm here for you.  _ But instead Matteo throws his head up high and defiant, eyes blazing, and David's teeth clink shut.

"Let's do this." Matteo snaps, voice cold and acidic, just like during their first fight together. But there's something else there too. A layer of fear that David wouldn't have been able to pick up on a few months ago. David lets out a surprised breath. This isn't at all what he expected from his partner. The panic, sure, but not this hostility. David's not entirely sure how he feels about it. It makes him anxious maybe, a little more on edge that he would have liked.

"Well alright." Says the technician with an arched eyebrow.

David still feels like he should say something, to try and sooth Matteo. But the moment slips through his fingers like sand. The technician is calling out commands to her coworkers, switches are being flipped, buttons pressed. There's a countdown from 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And then there it is. A feeling David has never experienced before.

It's a little like falling. Except he's not falling down, he's falling inward. Falling in on himself a million times over, an infinite loop. Because there it is, everything he has ever been or thought or done flashing by like a children's flip book. From his very first memory to his very last, the worst ones and the best ones. David sees every version of himself come and go. He doesn't try to hold on to any of them, just let's all the moments that have ever made him who he is disappear back into his subconscious. It's a bit like dying, and a bit like waking up.

But then there's something wrong.

The technicians are saying something, loudly. David catches a few of their phrases- out of alignment, chasing the rabbit, unstable, Matteo's name again and again- but it's all background noise. Because David can  _ feel _ Matteo. And he's hurting.

All at once David isn't just David anymore. His consciousness expands to include a whole nother person and then narrows down to just that person's pain in the span of a second. It's enough to make him breathless. 

Then he sees him, Matteo, and he's only a child, 5 years old. A mop of unruly blond hair, watery blue eyes. Tiny and terrified. He's standing at the edge of a bed, tear tracks on his small red face, chubby fingers wrapped up in the end of the comforter.

"Mama, Mama get up." Matteo cries, tugging at the blanket to no avail. 

David wants to grab him, to sooth him, but he can't. It's only a memory, one that Matteo can't let go of.

"Matteo!" David shouts. "Matteo it's ok, you're ok!"

But he's not. He's hungry and small and scared. His mother- because that's who is in the bed, David just knows- his mother lays there unresponsive. She's been like this for two days. And dad isn't around, he has a business trip and won't be home until tomorrow night. Things David again, just knows. A side effect from being in someone's head he guesses.

"Please mama, it's dinner time. I don't want just chips again please. Mama," The child sniffles. The pangs of hunger and sadness are so visceral it almost distracts David from the fact that this memory can't hurt them, not really. All he can do is crouch down near this tiny Matteo, calling out reassurances and hoping that it'll get through eventually.

Matteo's mother lays there, unblinking, unfeeling, unmoving, as her son's body is wracked with sobs. 

Then something shifts under David's feet, and he thinks for a second that Matteo has finally heard him. Has finally broken out of this spell of the memories. But they're just changing, twisting. Flashing like scenes on a TV screen.

They're in a large open room, the lights dim and air chilled. David is confused because he knows this room, and not in the sharing-a-brain-so-he-just-knows kind of way. No, he himself has been here before. It's one of the lecture halls in the Academy, just as sleek and sterile as it is today. All gray walls and hard floors and empty seats. Empty except one.

Matteo is older here, fourteen. With a face full of acne and hair that's even shaggier than in the present. At the front of the room is a projector. The images that flash against the screen are horrifying, even after all this time. Footage of Kaiju attacks. Of buildings being leveled and people running for their lives and Jaeger's being tossed like rag dolls before they right themselves and try again. David thinks about his sister, holding him tight, protecting him from the sight when he was young.

Matteo is meant to be taking notes, to learn from past mistakes and triumphs. To watch the destruction closely. David clenches his fists until he can feel the sharp sting of his fingernails biting flesh, not sure if the sensation is real or imagined. He wants to protect Matteo from this, to hold his hands over his eyes. He's still just a child. But David is resigned to this like it’s some kind of purgatory. To watch and not be able to help.

David makes a frustrated noise. The other boy doesn't react. 

Matteo's eyes dart from the screen to the door, teeth chewing on an already chapped bottom lip. All the newest recruits are on break before returning for their second trimester of Jaeger training. It's the weekend. He should be out with Jonas and Carlos and Abdi, having a break himself.

"Fuck it," This young teenage Matteo mutters under his breath. David follows close behind as he stands and makes his way to the door. His movements remind David of the night they snuck out together, just a little less practiced. Quietly, the boy creeps down the well lit corridor. David, though just a ghost in a memory that isn't his, tries to be silent too.

They're almost there, almost to the main entrance, to freedom. But then a door behind them bangs open, and both David and Matteo jump in alarm. They whip around to the source of the noise. There a man stands, a thunderous look on his face.

"Dad-" Matteo starts, a waver in his voice. 

"Where do you think you're going?" Matteo's father asks, his voice dangerously even. 

"Dad I wasn't-"

"Don't. Don't you lie to me."

Matteo takes a small step back, an instinct, a fear response. It makes his fathers eyes narrow to angry slits and take a step forward. David, with rage and fear and fierce loyalty in his veins, steps between the two, blocking Matteo from the illusion of his father. He stares into those blue blue eyes, the same ones he’s looked into so many times before.

"Matteo," David says, voice loud and urgent. "Matteo, snap out of it. Listen to my voice, to my thoughts. I'm in your head for fuck sake. I know you can hear me. Listen to me and snap out of it."

He pushes all the feelings outwards. All the desire to protect and comfort. He pushes it so hard he feels something fracture, not only in himself, but in Matteo too. A splintering spider web in the glass.

And then David is falling again. This time he's falling out instead of in. It's violent and nauseating, much like he'd picture being launched out of a cannon would feel, except much more drawn out. When David lands in his own skin again it's with a sick jolt in his stomach. He's back in the medical exam room surrounded by blinking machinery and blinking technicians. David is still trying to get his bearings when he hears a loud clatter. He watches, half dazed, as Matteo makes a break for the door. Someone shouts after him but he's gone too quick for it to matter. The door slams shut behind him. Matteo's Pons headset lays on the cold floor, discarded and abandoned.

David stands, disoriented, before he takes his own headset off. He puts it down more gently then Matteo did, laying it on the table to his left while ignoring the angry cursing of the people around him.

"Thank you," David says when he finally finds his voice again. He's headed for the door without even having to think about it. Just moving, going where he knows he needs to be. "Sorry."

The lab coats don't try to stop him, thank God. He doesn't know what he would have done if they did.

He takes his time climbing the stairs, walking the hallways. Lets his hands run across the walls as he goes, just to feel it under his fingertips. Looks into the eyes of everyone he passes just to feel seen. Real stairs and hallways, real walls, no longer in someone else's memories. By the time David is standing in front of Matteo's closed door he's feeling more like himself. More solid and less like he's been stretched out thin and see-through.

Knuckles rasp twice against the door in quick succession. A beat of silence. Undeterred, David knocks again. He knows Matteo is in there, he can feel it, a quiet echo of their earlier connection. An awareness that he wonders will ever disappear completely.

"Go away," comes a muffled voice on the other side of the door. Bingo.

"Matteo, open up." David says, voice even and calm. He waits a second and then knocks a third time.

The door flings open, revealing a glaring Matteo. He looks more wilted than he does vicious. Eyes glassy and face pale. David's heart constricts in his chest.

"Do you wanna talk?"

"No." Matteo snaps. It's a layered thing, venom and sorrow in equal measure. David nods in understanding.

"Ok, then you can listen."

His copilot blinks a little in disbelief when David slips by him and into the room. He kicks the door closed with the heel of his shoe, motioning for Matteo to sit. With a huff and angrily tilted eyebrows, Matteo relents, flopping down onto the bed. Good. At least they don't need to fight about that. Small victories.

"I've kind of always known I was going to be a Jaeger pilot." David starts. He's standing, arms crossed and eyes unfocused. Finds it easier to continue that way. "It's all that used to matter, after things didn't go great when I came out. I needed something I could control when everything felt so out of control. There were other reasons of course. I wanted to protect people with all my heart, to protect my sister most of all. But still, the control, that was a big one."

Matteo is still frowning, but it's softer now. A little more concern for David and a little less anguish for himself. David chuckles under his breath.

"That's part of the reason I disliked you so strongly when we met. You made me feel less in control of myself." David laughs again, louder this time. Then he breathes out a long breath. It feels like both a long time ago and only yesterday- when he and Matteo first crossed paths and fell into orbit around each other.

"It was just, you were so frustrating. It seemed like you were apathetic to everything, including to becoming a Jaeger pilot. It didn't make any sense, how you could not care about it and still be so good at everything. Because you are, really good."

Matteo makes an angry noise then. A huff, clearly done with just listening.

"Yeah, well, that can happen when you're only  _ allowed _ to care about one thing for so long." The venom is back, and so is the sorrow. David nods in understanding.

"I get that now." David says. He does get it. He has to, he practically lived it, being in Matteo's head like that. "I get why you seem so resentful of this place. But you're also still here, so some part of you wants this. Part of you wants to be a pilot just as much as I do."

"You don't know anything." Matteo spits. David smiles, the memory of their first fight fresh in his mind at the words.

"I think I do."

Matteo's frown wobbles and then hardens into a childish scowl, clearly remembering the verbal scuffle as well. 

"Oh really?" Asks Matteo.

"Really." Answers David, still smiling. He shakes his head a little fondly and finally sits down next to Matteo on the bed. He knocks their knees together lightly. "Matteo you can do this in spite of your past, and not because of it."

"I'm not sure I can." Matteo's voice is small now. And David wants to hold his hand, so he does. Matteo tenses at first, fingers flexing and clenching in David's grip, but soon he settles. His hand feels right, there in David’s, even as clammy as it is.

"I know you can. And I'll be here with you every step of the way." David says, thumb rubbing soothingly across the back of Matteo's hand. Like magnets finding each other, Matteo lets his whole body relax into David's. They lean on each other. Matteo's head under David's chin, shoulders pressed close. They just fit.

"Ok," Matteo breathes out, and David breathes in. "Ok."

They try the drift again the next day. Matteo is a little sheepish when they enter the room. He looks from one lab coat wearing adult to the next, like he's expecting to be chastised for his running away. But they don't even really pay him any mind other than to get them both hooked up to the machine again. The coldness of the Pons headset is expected this time but no less uncomfortable.

"You've got this,  _ we've _ got this." David whispers, cataloging every inch of Matteo’s beautiful face. His partner nods decisively. 

The falling is easier the second time around. David lossens his hold on some of that control and just lets the past wash over him like warm bath water. He watches himself grow up, feels all those emotions again, the good and the bad. Gets all the way to this memory here, the one in the making, and then the story switches protagonists. David watches Matteo, in fleeting glances and flashes of feeling. Sees his whole past without being sucked into one memory in particular. And David knows Matteo is doing the same with his own memories, but can't find it in himself to worry about it. Because then they're both there, in this present moment, and they're Drifting.

David opens his eyes having not known when they closed and looks over to his partner. Matteo's already looking back, eyes round and mouth dropped open. The technicians are conversing around them, calling out numbers to each other, science speak that doesn't mean much to David or Matteo. That's ok, because all that means anything to them at that very moment is the Drift, is each other.

"Wow." Matteo huffs.

David agrees. He can feel Matteo's consciousness right up against his own. It's a closed circuit of both their emotions, bright and electrifying. David has quite literally never felt more understood and close to another human being. It's a constant loop of shock and joy and pride and attraction and love and love and love and oh.

_ Oh _ .

"Oh." David says.

And yes ok, the Drift is meant for saving all of humanity, but there are some definite side perks that he hadn't seen coming. And Matteo, sweet, silly, frustrating Matteo, was the biggest perk of them all. Crazy enough he doesn’t even have to say any of that out loud for Matteo to know, but he will, he definitely will. If only to see that equally dazed and overwhelmed look on his beautiful face again, as often as possible. 

* * *

"You call me as soon as you guys land." Laura orders. She's got David in a tight hug that's already been going on for far too long. He'd be embarrassed about all the people around if he wasn't already missing her.

"Don't worry Laura, I'll make sure he does." Matteo says. David looks over Laura's shoulder to see a smile that is bordering on smug. It's a good look on him.

"You!" Laura starts, finally letting go of David only to grab up Matteo. He goes into it easily with a smothered laugh. David grins, watching two of his favorite people embrace.

Matteo had been nervous two weeks ago to meet Laura, both as David’s co-pilot and his boyfriend. He hadn't said as much, but David could tell. The way he has fussed with his hair and his clothes, and how he asked a million and one times what Laura was like. He hadn't needed to be worried of course, they got on worryingly well straight away. It kind of felt like Matteo had always been there with them in their shared flat, while also feeling excitingly new and shiny. Matteo existing in their space and watching old movies and dutifully helping in the kitchen and ganging up on David together with Laura whenever it suited them. It seemed to be suiting them now.

"You better be sure to take care of my brother for me, he needs it." Laura says into Matteo's mop of unkempt hair.

"Oh I know he does and I will. He's stuck with me after all." Matteo answers easily.

"I don't know if I'd use the term 'stuck with'." David says, pulling a half-mock affronted face. It had actually been a term he had used before, in a very loving manner of course.

"Yeah well who ever said you know what you're talking about? Like, ever" Matteo shoots back.

"I'm sorry but who's the emotionally intelligent and mature one in this relationship?" Asks David rhetorically. Matteo just laughs in a way that might have been insulting if David didn't know exactly what Matteo's tone sounded like when he was actually trying to be mean. 

"Neither of you are actually. Now get over here." Laura reaches back and pulls David over to them, making it a group hug of three.

"Ok ok ok," David says after another long age of squeezing. "We really need to go now or we'll be late for boarding."

When Laura finally lets go it's with damp eyes and a wobbly smile. Again neither Schreiber can actually get the words 'goodbye' out. So they just wave, and blow kisses, and Matteo pulls David farther into the crowd with a hand in his.

The farewells with Jonas, Carlos and Abdi had happened the night previous. The three of them came to the city and David and Matteo had taken them out to dinner- which served both as a going away and as a repayment for their first meal together. It featured a few tearful declarations of eternal bro love from both Carlos and Abdi and what might have been the most relaxed shovel talk to have ever existed from Jonas. David was going to miss them too, and not only because he knew exactly how much they meant to Matteo. 

Goodbyes aren't necessary from both Sara and Leonie, seeing as the four of them were all to live at the Shatterdome together. So now all that was left was the take off. Passengers were only just starting to board by the time the two of them made it to their gate. David could see Sara and Leonie standing in line, carry on bags in hand.

The sight soothed him a little, but there was still an edge of panic, an old and familiar urge to run. It was just, he was really leaving the country, leaving his sister behind. He was finally going to do what he always dreamed about doing. He was going to be an actual Jaeger pilot, and that was a little terrifying. Before David could even try to beat the feeling down he felt a steadying squeeze on his hand.

"Not getting cold feet are you?" Matteo mutters quietly. He gives David this patient look that unravels all the complicated feelings going on in his heart. David lifts Matteo's knuckles to his mouth, let's his lips softly brush over each one in answer. Matteo smiles. "Well come on then, we've got a plane to catch. Oh, and you're taking the window seat. I can't be trapped if I need to use the bathroom."

"Yeah alright," David laughs brightly. "Let's go."

And they take that step forward, like all the ones to come after it, together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Kudos and Comments as always are so very appreciated <3 
> 
> (Also side note I wanted in this fic to kind of mirror Mako and Raleigh in that they never kiss on screen, at least in the first movie. And the quote that's something like "If you have to have your characters kiss to show their in love then you didn't do a good job proving their in love" or something like that. Though I did cheat a little with the hand kiss at the end. But rest assured many soft kisses were had off screen)


End file.
